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best choice for a particular groups; Traditional and International music value


quy 3 / 3  
Sep 15, 2012   #1
Please give feedback and correct mistakes(if any)

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Discuss.


Everyone needs music for recreation. Music is a creative hobby. I believe both International and traditional music have their own importance. In the following paragraphs I will put forth my arguments to support my views.

Many good musicians play music as part of their profession, while others play it for the sake of hobby. Music creates enthusiasm in sports persons and soldiers that is highly rewarding.

Music in circus makes animals to perform several tricks correctly. It helps acrobats to carry out their acrobatics perfectly. Such a good performance is not possible in the absence of music.

When a celebrity passes away, a sad tune of music is played on various channels of television and radio to convey the sad happening. In this way music can be seen as a means of communication too. Right from the first lullaby a mother sings for his baby to the dirge of funeral pyre music is everywhere.

The world comprises of many countries and in every country there are several sects. Every sect has its own music that is understood in that particular sect. Also, every country has its national anthem that is well-known to the entire population of the country. The music that is understood within a particular sect is known as traditional music or folk music, whereas the music that is familiar to the wide range of sects within a country can be termed as broadly music of that country.

Similarly, music that is popular and known to many countries can be called as International music. For example, Classical Music, Jazz, Pop , Rock, Rumba-Samba etc are enjoyed in many countries of the world. Obviously these are more popular, compared to traditional music as these are understood and enjoyed at macro level by huge masses.

Music is for the enjoyment and the music that can be very well understood and enjoyed is the best music. Hence, traditional music can be the best choice for a particular group of people. On the other hand, for entertaining cosmopolitan groups , International music shall be ideal.
aysan - / 4  
Sep 16, 2012   #2
Hi gyyhoe
You have used a wide range of vocabulary and your essay is logically organized, however, it seems to me that you did not fully addresses all part of task. I cannot find out why International and traditional music have their own importance, you just introduced them. The paragraphs do not have topic sentences and lack of linking expressions is obvious in your essay.

In introduction , your sentences are simple,using complex and component sentences can make it more natural.
I hope this would help you.
aysan - / 4  
Sep 16, 2012   #3
component sentences

sorry I mean compound sentences
OP quy 3 / 3  
Sep 16, 2012   #4
Hi, I think following sentences describe the importance of international and traditional music. How could I improve these any example?

Similarly, music that is popular and known to many countries can be called as International music. For example, Classical Music, Jazz, Pop , Rock, Rumba-Samba etc are enjoyed in many countries of the world. Obviously these are more popular, compared to traditional music as these are understood and enjoyed at macro level by huge masses.

Music is for the enjoyment and the music that can be very well understood and enjoyed is the best music. Hence, traditional music can be the best choice for a particular group of people.


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