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[TOEFL] Attending university classes should be required or optional-Feedback



ultraannThreads: 1
Posts: 5
Author: Pilaipan Unchoo
   
Aug 20, 2012, 04:33am   #1
Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.


Attending university's classes is one of activities that students have to do. However, class is not the only source of knowledge. Students also learn from other sources such as experience, libraries and other people. I think going to classes should be optional for students for the following reasons.

Firstly, the reason why university students should not be required to attend class is sometimes the students in the university can learn better from other sources outside the class room. Student can also study by themselves in the library and focus on only the topic they do not understand. For example, I have a close friend who was in the same department with me in the university. She learned quickly and understood everything in class so fast. Thus, she rarely went to class but spent most time to understand confusing topic. Finally, she got very good grade when she was graduation.

Secondly, students should not be required to attend classes because they can manage the time spending on classes to do other benefit things if they already understand topic in the class very well. In my experience, many times I did not attend biology class because my university does not require the students to attend classes. Also, I had already studied all biology topics before attending university. As a result, I spent the time of biology class to do my Chemistry research and got A+ for both biology and chemistry.

In conclusion, I think the students should know what activities they should do at the time and have good management for their learning time. Also, they have to know how to deal with the effects from not attending classes. So that, attending classes in the university will not be required to the students anymore.

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Please help to correct my TOEFL essay.
This is the first time for me for posting new thread. Thank you for help :)



FreenchyThreads: 4
Posts: 41
Author: Lea Pertuy
   
Aug 20, 2012, 06:16am   #2
Hey, here are few mistakes I found in your essay !

'For example, I have a close friend who was in the same department withas me in the university.'

'Finally In the end, she got earned very good grades when she was graduation graduated.'

'...they can manage the time spending spent on in classes...'

Hope it helps !


ah_zafariThreads: 13
Posts: 808
Author: Ahmad Zafari
[Contributor] Likes 97  
Aug 20, 2012, 06:21am   #3
ultraann:
Attending universities' classes is a routine schedule of studentsone of activities that students have to do


ultraann:
However, class is not the only source of knowledge

before stating this sentence, you should mention that "class" is known as a place at which students advance their knowledge about a subject. In addition, you should also write the thesis statement of the essay clearly. Before the last sentence of the introduction u did not say anything about this issue that :"should students attend classes?OR Should attending classes be optional or not?".

ultraann:
the one of the reasons why university students should not be required to attend classes is that some sometimes the students in the university can learn better by self-study and the use of other from other sources outside the class room.


ultraann:
Students can also


ultraann:
the topics they


ultraann:
I have had a close friend who was in at the same department with me in the university that I studied at


ultraann:
understand study confusing topic


ultraann:
Finally, she cloud graduate as one of the top students of his/her yeargot very good grade when she was graduation.


ultraann:
students should not be required to attend classes because

Repetition.

ultraann:
beneficial things


ultraann:
does not require the students to attend classes

repetition

In the conclusion you should reword the thesis statement before writing an ending statement.


ultraannThreads: 1
Posts: 5
Author: Pilaipan Unchoo
   
Aug 20, 2012, 11:23pm   #4
Thank you for your help ah_zafari and Freenchy
Is it ok if i change conclusion paragraph to be like below?
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In conclusion, I strongly agree that attending classes in the university will not be required to the students because of the reason above. However, the students should know what activities they should do at the time and have good management for their learning time. Also, they have to know how to deal with the effects from not attending classes.


ah_zafariThreads: 13
Posts: 808
Author: Ahmad Zafari
[Contributor] Likes 97  
Aug 21, 2012, 03:16am   #5
ultraann:
I strongly agree that attending classes in the university will not be required to the students because of the reason above

In this type of topic you should give your opinion (agree or disagree) in the introduction. The structure of the conclusion should be like what I wrote below :
1) Reword the topic or the thesis statement to remind the reader what issues were being argued in the body.
2) if the topic is an "agree or disagree" type you do not need to give your opinion here, but for other types of topics you should write your opinion in the conclusion.
3) clincher : this is an ending statement to show the essay is ended. A clincher can be a "question", "quotation", "prediction", etc.


ultraannThreads: 1
Posts: 5
Author: Pilaipan Unchoo
   
Aug 21, 2012, 04:04am   #6
Thank you to help me again. :)
I'm not sure is this work?
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In conclusion, going to classes should be optional for students. One reason is because there are other sources that can help the students to learn better than attending classes. Moreover, good students can save more time in classes and spend these time to do other beneficial things. However, it depends on the students that they know how to deal with the effects from not attending classes or not.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

I just start writing, so could you suggest me the source of knowledge?
I want to know each type of topics and how difference I should do for each type


ah_zafariThreads: 13
Posts: 808
Author: Ahmad Zafari
[Contributor] Likes 97  
Aug 21, 2012, 04:14am   #7
It seems good, but you should also work on grammar.
For getting information about different types of topic you can google it.


ultraannThreads: 1
Posts: 5
Author: Pilaipan Unchoo
   
Aug 21, 2012, 04:16am   #8
Thank you


MoonMoonThreads: 7
Posts: 34
Author: Monir Ahmadi
   
Aug 21, 2012, 05:55am   #9
Hi Pilaipan
As an advice, i think it is better to slightly lengthen your essay. As you know, an integrated Toefl essay should be at least 300 words long and i think your essay contains approximately 290 words!


ultraannThreads: 1
Posts: 5
Author: Pilaipan Unchoo
   
Aug 28, 2012, 10:03pm   #10
@MoonMoon
Thank you a lot. :D




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