Please help me with my toefl essay writing. Your feedback on this essay is highly appreciated.
I made some suggestive corrections to your essay -- however small they were. I like reading your essay. It does need a little work, however. I think that you might find that if you re-write it, you will get more out of it for yourself -- and you will be more sure of yourself!
Both artists and scientists contribute largely to the development of any society. However their contributions are different in the way that they impact
on the society. While artists address to the emotional feelings of the mankind, the scientists contribute largely towards their physical requirementsneeds. Therefore, the contributions made by artists and scientists need to be valued equally if we looksare going to lookl forward to achieving a developed society.
Artists have the capability of soothing the minds of the people. This is a very important aspect that enables people to relax and calm down, especially in their fast life styles. For example, when I drive home after a strenuous
hoursday in the in office, I usually play my stereo set upsystem in the car, to listen to the songs of my favorite singer. These songs relax me before I reach home and I enter homethe house with a fresh mind. Therefore the contribution that artists make to their society cannot be underminedoverlooked for any reason.
Scientists in contrast to
the artists, help develop the quality of life of members in the society. If not for the scientists, we would have not hadnot have electricity or many other technologically advanced appliances to handleassist in our daily chores. For example, a working mother is much revealed fromrelieved with the assistance given to her by the microwave oven in cooking. Therefore the scientists should be encouraged in their inventions in order to receive their contribution towards a technologically advanced society that enables people to upgrade the quality of life in terms of convenience, efficiency and reliability.
In our society, it is noted that contributions of both artists and scientists are equally recognized. The best example is that the country's most distinguished award for the year, "Uttamachara". This award is granted on an annual basis to the most outstanding personalities of the fields of art and science.
It is happyIt makes us happy to acknowledge that the people of our society admire the valuable contributions of both science and art without any discrimination.
Finally, the world needs the contribution of both artists and scientists to make it a better place for
the mankind to live. Therefore people should respect and regard both artists and scientists equally for their contributions and consider them as valuable assets to their society. However, it is happyI am happy to note that the society I am living in,in acknowledges this fact.