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Youth crime are increasing rapidly around the world. What are the reasons & suggest solution


bang 2 / 2 1  
Nov 20, 2014   #1
Nowadays intensity of youth crime are most familiar phenomenon throughout the world. It is significantly going up day by day. Now its prime time to be aware about youth crime and take initiatives to diminish this type activity.

However there are some strong reasons behind youth crime need to be discussed. The most vital reasons for the demand which can be initially mentioned is that weak family bondage. At present our family are very small and parents are too busy for their business or job. They have no times for their kids and their are no other family member such as grandparents or uncle aunt who can support these kids. Some of these family are broken or parents are separated, for this result kids become more lonely and desperate to do anything and very likely they involve themselves in drug or other illegal activities. What's more there are no such ideal person to whom adolescent or teenage can follow or build their future life. They motivate by rock star or other young craze who are not really ideal to follow. A further point is that technology which is easily available to modern age and youngster are very susceptible to available technology, they merely follow the discretion of technology. For explaining this point, some video games are too violent and unintentionally drive the user to terrified and bloody activities.

Therefore, there are some quite key suggestions which should be practice to control the youth crime. What can be cited first regarding this is improve family bindings. Parents should know about children whereabouts, spend more times with kids and involve them to productive schedule. Another important idea that can not but be pointed out is that society might establish some idealistic guidelines and examples to follow. Last but not least provide children more playground and motivate them to outdoor sports and other social activity not only depend on them video game or digital social networking.

In fine taking all the aforementioned points of the given topic matter into account I personally opine that youth crime will be eliminated from the society. (Academic IELTS Tusk 2 writing practice)
LFAle 3 / 5  
Nov 21, 2014   #2
improve the intro.
Correcting yours.
"Nowadays The intensity of youth crimeS are THE most familiar throughout in the world, increasing day by day"
In the intro you have to "paraphrase" the topic, and showing what are you going to say. You cannot start your first paragraph after the intro with "however" it already makes me confused about your thesis.

"Another important idea that can not but be pointed out" syntax
Try to write short sentences.
In general I think you can really organize better your essay. It is not clear. You should be more precise in paragraphs, they are very important in order to take good marks in Ielts.

I feel you can improve a lot, but in my opinion you have to be more schematic and to have a clearer workflow


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