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IELTS essay -Young people taking study break for work or travel


answers: 2
Nov 8, 2008, 07:38am   #1
Hi there, Please help me to rate my essay.

Topic in details :
In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.


Here is my essay:

There has been a growing number of young people decide to take study break for work or vacation before continue pursuing higher education. Some parents believed it is advantageous whereas others were not convinced and strongly opposed to it.

It if of certain some young people who made up this decision were motivated by few benefits caused. First, it helps them to become more confident and independent. The youngsters experience real life's challenges and obstacles by staying out and working for living.This life experience assists them in understanding meaning of life and develop more mature personality.

Second, different life experiences gained during the gap year period clarify their ideas and choices of study. They are more self-aware and know exactly what career path they would like to pursue in adulthood.

Despite of some benefits it brought, there are some drawbacks about taking time off study.First if all, some people might find difficulty to adjust themselves back to routine of study. They loss motivation and interests in acquiring higher degree.

Moreover, they are putting themselves at risk of not being able to enrol to desired course or college as some colleges strictly control the enrollment application and would prefer students further studies immediately after secondary school.

In addition,it it costly to stop study temporary at this golden age as young people not only spending their money but their precious time in exploring the world and themselves.They may feel left behind or over-aged after rejoining college or university by looking other fellow peers had become senior or nearly finishing the study.

By and large, taking gap year for work or vacation before joining university is definately not for everyone. Young people advised to do some research beforehand and understand the objective of the decision.

Good afternoon :)

Here are my thoughts:

"There has been a growing number of young people deciding to take study breaks for work or vacations before continuing to pursue a higher education. Some parents believed it is advantageous, whereas others were not convinced and strongly opposed to it. Make sure that all of your subject agree; you began the piece discussing a plural subject (people) so all of your following nouns and verbs should be plural to agree (deciding, breaks, vacations).

It is certain some young people who made this decision were motivated by a few benefits caused By what?. First, it helps them to become more confident and independent. The youngsters experience real life challenges and obstacles by staying out and working for a living.This life experience assists them in understanding the meaning of life and developing more mature personalities Since you used "them" you must use "personalities" because "them" is plural.

Second, different life experiences gained during the gap year period clarify their ideas and choices of study. They are more self-aware and know exactly what career path they would like to pursue in adulthood.

Despite some benefits, there are some drawbacks about taking time off to study. First of all, some people might find difficulty in adjusting themselves back to a routine of study. They lose motivation and interest in acquiring a higher degree.

Moreover, they are putting themselves at risk of not being able to enroll in desired courses or colleges, as some colleges strictly control the enrollment application and would prefer students to have their further studies immediately after secondary school.

In addition, it is costly to stop studying temporarily at this golden age as young people are not only spending their money but their precious time in exploring the world and themselves.They may feel left behind or over-aged after rejoining college or university by seeing fellow peers that are seniors or nearly finishing their studies.

By and large, taking a gap year for work or a vacation before joining a university is definitely not for everyone. Young people should be advised to do some research beforehand and understand the objective Or consequences? of the decision."

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com



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