Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


Young people must be encouraged and inculcated about the importance of a long-term, realistic goals.


rocky79 1 / -  
Jul 4, 2015   #1
issue
I agree with the statement that young people should be encouraged to pursue long term goals rather than seeking intermediate fame and recognition.
The time invested for proper future planning,goals will be surely of great help.

In this world, now all of us are looking for shortcuts in every possible way.We are now looking for easy money instead of hardwork. Even there are

instances in real life that young college going students are in pursuit of easy money so they adapt any possible way even in illegal or corrupt activities.

They may succeed but it is not always possible that every person will achieve fame and recognition within a short period of time.

If one starts their business or any activity after proper planning then they may achieve their goals or targets,evenif not in a stipulated time.Very well

personalities from around the world,say for instance MR. WARREN BUFFET, MR. RATAN TATA, etc succeded in their life in their fileds. It was possible

due to their persistance and hardwork they did with planning what best they can achieve.

Even COCO-COLA in their very first year was able to sell only a few cold-drinks but with their patience and dedication towards thier work they are now one

of the biggest company to sell cold-drinks.Fame and recognition all comes along our way if we are succesful.So our aim shall not be towards fame and

recognition.But there are some instances where people come with such an innovative ideas that they get fame anbd reputation within weeks or days.
Lets talk about FACEBOOK,WHATSAPP,SNAPCHAT,etc who changed the whole perception of transmedia communication.They came up with such an
innovative idea that now within seconds we can communicate with anyone or can send any information in any part of the world.

In sum, we can say that young people must be encouraged and inculcated about the importance of long-term, realistic goals.Long term goals definitely reaps

good results.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jul 6, 2015   #2
- If one starts their business or any activity after proper planning then they may achieve their goals or targets,even if not in a stipulated time.Very well

As I read through the sentence above, I'm quite confused. I suggest rephrasing or making the sentence a little bit clear.

- personalities from around the world,say for instance MR. WARREN BUFFET, MR. RATAN TATA, etc succededsucceeded in their life inand their filedsfields . Turn on your spell checker all the time.

- It was possible due to their persistancepersistence and hard work they did with planning what best they can achieve.

- Even COCOCOCA -COLA in their very first year was able to sell only a few cold-drinks but with their patience and dedication towards thier work they are now on of the biggest company to sell cold-drinks. Brand name emphasis should be capitalized and again your spelling.

- Fame and recognition all comes along our way if we are succesfulsuccessful .

- So our aim shall not be towards fame and
recognition.But there are some instances where people come with such an innovative ideas that they get fame anbdand reputation within weeks or days.

- In sum, we can say that young people must be encouraged and inculcatedtaught about the importance of long-term, realistic goals.

Rocky, I can say your essay is very rocky.
There are a lot of corrections made, a few minor one's but definitely crucial to the whole essay.

Work on your spelling, a spell checker on your computer absolutely helps, your sentence construction as well as how you chronologically organize your essay.

Well, practice writing more.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!


Home / Writing Feedback / Young people must be encouraged and inculcated about the importance of a long-term, realistic goals.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳