Unanswered [1] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Writing Feedback /     

Ielts : Young people's awareness of global issues


answers: 3
Dec 2, 2010, 02:35am   #1
Q) Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your opinion?

In recent years, young people have been paying more attention towards various problems in the world. I strongly agree this trend and it should be more promoted by society for several compelling reasons. In this essay, the reason of the importance of these positive attitudes will be discussed.

First of all, environmental destruction is one of the biggest problems in the world. Although natural resources are limited, people have been using more and more these resources such as fuels without any concern over the decades. The huge gap between rich and poor nations also has serious issue in the current society. This is because developed countries do not give enough support for other developing countries suffered from poverty. Moreover, animals have been exploited by human for many ways such as animal experiments and entertainments.

Over the last half century, the fields of technology, education and economy have developed dramatically worldwide. According to this phenomenon, people have become more concerned about not only individual's life but also the various affairs occurring in the world.

Thanks to development of the technology, the opportunity to obtain a great amount of information has increased. Higher education also has played a significant role to produce sophisticated students. These achievements enable people to share their opinions and think about world issues. Thus, it is the best time to initiate reservation of environment, save people in poverty and reconsider the animal welfare because these issues should not be continued.

I conclusion, people must promote the action to resolve various issues in the world so that next generation will have better lives without any unfairness.

Rina, if feel your essay was out of point .Your illustrations were not in line with the question and the concluding part was too short.Try to build your points in such a way that they can make meaning to the reader.Overall, It is a good try but you need to work harder.
In this essay, the reason of the importance of these positive attitudes will be discussed.----This thesis statement is okay, but I think it will be better if you try to sum up the main meaning of the essay in that single sentence.


...people have become more concerned about not only individuals' lives life but also the various affairs occurring in the world.



I In conclusion, people must promote the action work to resolve various issues in the world so that next ...

:-)
Dec 18, 2010, 02:14am   #4
i think your essay should focus on young people, for example, they live in a highly polluted environment compared with the previous generations, so they have a urgency to change it, or owing to the information online, they know people in poor countries will live in famine, lack of education and health care, etc, you just say people, not young people in essay



Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓