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"My Wonderful Sister" - please proofread my paragraph


answers: 3
Nov 12, 2010, 02:00pm   #1
Hi everyone,

Could you please proofread my paragraph??



My Wonderful Sister

I think my sister Hannah is amazing. First of all, she is very practical and down-to-earth, so she always gives me good advices and I can trust what she says. Hannah is totally reliable, too. For example, if my mother is out of the house, Hannah knows how to act as if she were my mother. Therefore, she is my mother's right hand. In addition, she is extremely generous. She is always doing things for other people. Another great thing about Hannah is that she is very funny. She knows how to make me laugh. She is the best sister in the whole world

...gives me good advices advice and I can trust...

You write very well, but I think you can go deeper in your mediation. In a moment of meditation, pay attention when you inhale... pay attention to the feeling of cool air hitting the center of your brain... and wait for an excellent, unexpected idea to come to mind.

I think you can come up with a perfect word to capture what you learn from your sister.
Let this little essay express a profound idea.

:-)



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