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A woman's place should be in home?


answers: 8
Mar 24, 2010, 05:08am   #
I am practicing writing skills to prepare for my coming IELTS exam next month. Please help to give comments on my essay. Thank you very much for your supports.

" Some people believe in the traditional idea that the woman's place is in the home, while others say that idea is outdated that women should play an increasingly important role in the workplace of the future. What is your opinion?"


It is quite common these days for women in some countries to stay home after getting married. This trend is not only restricted to the rich family where the women do not need to work cause they already have too much money to cover for their family everyday needs, but is also among the middle class families where the husbands take the major roles of getting money for their families.

The reasons for this trend may involve the recognition that there are so many things for women to do after they get married, particularly for those who decide to have babies, e.g. raising children, taking care of her family and keeping house all is very tired and time consuming. Therefore, if the women can stay home, it will be easier for them and even for their husbands cause they can concentrate completely on their job and their career, which is very important for every men, without worrying about who will cook for his children today, who will take care of them, who will do the housework, etc. The roles of the women will even be more evident when their husbands working as contractors who always have to travel a lot to get jobs.

There are, however, certainly dangers of women only staying home. Women may find it boring and tired with every day tasks, but they have no other choices and cannot adapt to the situation. If this lasts long, it will be very dangerous for them because it can lead them to affection of depressed. The things are worse in some very rich families where women do not need to do anything at all, even at home. They may have the immoderate of spending money or having an adulterous relationship with somebody. But overall, I think it will be less likely, if the husbands respect their wives' decisions whether staying home or getting a job.

My position is men should encourage their wives to stay home if their children are small and need a lot of cares and they can take care of getting money duty for the family. And men should respect their wives' decisions whether to work or not.

for IELTS task 2, need minimum 250 words. I think you can get free word if you change:

"who decide to have babies, for example, raising children, taking care of her family and keeping house"

and be careful when you write long sentences, it will mess the grammar. So, ideally not more than 18 words per sentence and try to write in active form rather in passive form.
Mar 24, 2010, 11:24pm   #
It is quite common these days for women in some countries to stay home after getting married. This trend is not only restricted to the rich family where the women do not need to work cause they already have too much money to cover for their family everyday needs, but is also among the middle class families where the husbands take the major roles of getting money for their families.

The reasons for this trend may involve the recognition that there are so many things for women to do after they get married, particularly for those who decide to have babies, for example raising children, taking care of her family and keeping the house clean (sounds more better) all is very tired and time consuming. Therefore, if the women can stay home, it will be easier for them and even for their husbands because they can concentrate completely on their job and their career, which is very important for every men, without worrying about who will cook for his children today, who will take care of them, who will do the housework, etc. The roles of the women will even be more evident when their husbands working as contractors who always have to travel a lot to get jobs.

There are, however, (in my opinion, one or the other. you don't really need both of them. certainly dangers of women only staying home. Women may find it boring and tired with every day tasks, but they have no other choices and cannot adapt to the situation. If this lasts long, it will be very dangerous for them because it could lead them to affection of depressed. The things are worse in some very rich families where women do not need to do anything at all, even at home. They may have the immoderate of spending money or having an adulterous relationship with somebody. But overall, I think it will be less likely, if the husbands respect their wives' decisions whether staying home or getting a job.

My position is men should encourage their wives to stay home if their children are small and need a lot of cares and they can take care of getting money duty for the family. And Men should respect their wives' decisions whether to work or not.
This trend is not only restricted to the rich families where the women do not need to work because they already have enough money to cover for their family's everyday needs, but is ...
Add one more sentence to the end of the first paragraph to tell the theme for the essay.

Separate this into 2 sentences:
The reasons for this trend may involve the recognition that there are so many things for women to do after they get married, particularly for those who decide to have babies. Raising children, taking care of the family, and keeping the house clean all is very tiring and time consuming.

hungvud:
Men might encourage their wives to stay home if their children are small and need a lot of cares and they can take care of getting money duty for the family, but it is also true that the woman can work while the husband stays home.

What if the man likes to take care of the baby and the women is making a career as a physician or a politician? In this essay, you still seem to embrace a world view that is oppressive to women. The 21st century understanding is that women and men both might like to spend some time at home and both might like to have a career.
"It is quite common these days for women in some countries to stay home after getting married. This trend is not only restricted to the rich family where the women do not need to work because they already have too much money to cover for their family everyday..."

EF_Kevin:
What if the man likes to take care of the baby and the women is making a career as a physician or a politician? In this essay, you still seem to embrace a world view that is oppressive to women. The 21st century understanding is that women and men both might like to spend some time at home and both might like to have a career.


I agree with Kevin.

Mostly, this essay is focused on whether women NEED to work, in spite of whether they WANT to work and their talents. Moreover, for sake of child development, the roles played by father and mother shall be balanced.
gmt_snail:
contractions like e.g. are not recommended to be used in IELTS writing as they are informal.

That is an important point, thanks! However, I don't see any contractions in the essay.

Some words have an apostrophe but are not contractions. For example, the word women's has an apostrophe. This is not a contraction, though. A contraction has 2 words put together. For example:
can't
don't
isn't


:-)



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