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IELTS -a wide range of courses,i.e. physics, music. which most,least important


wyjyzh68919 1 / 1  
Aug 12, 2012   #1
In terms of full screen education. There is a sweeping trend of various kinds of course in schooling or parenting. But it's difficult to get a consensus on which course is the most important or which is the least important.

A healthy physical and psychological body make the sustainable future of children a possible. In other words, the foundation of coming success lies on a healthy body and there would not be a exception of daily balanced life in full time schooling where there must be a heavy burden, home works. Key point is schooling specific, physical or psychological courses are essential for one to acquire healthy body the right direction if that desires a bright future. Success demands more. An informative mind must structured on the shoulder of the giants whose contribution were written in primary or secondary education material, such as Einstein's Relative Theory in physics conducts lots of new subjects include quantum mechanics that reveal quantum world we would never know without this theory. The beauty of poem written thousands years ago presented in English textbook is also susceptible. Information overload calls for skills to distinct which is useful which is useless for us. Proliferation of evolved skill is also a must to enhance our work efficiency and enlarge our vision. A good harness of resident labor need to equip who by various skill which can be acquired from learning. undoubtedly, a skillful worker is preferred to a fresh just graduated from university without learning any skill. Therefore, schooling should meet this skill demand.

Through analysis above, we can safely reach a point that a healthy body, full screen knowledge and specific skill have their access, various course learning, to climb up the top of life mountain.
vickey 9 / 18  
Aug 12, 2012   #2
Hi Wen!

I would like to comment that it could be combined the first and second sentence of your essay.

In terms of full screen education, there is ~~~

Also, it should be changed

"various kinds of course" => to various kind of courses

Anyway, nicely done.

Thank you.
OP wyjyzh68919 1 / 1  
Aug 12, 2012   #3
Thanks Kyo Lee for your nice comment.

and is there any other problem?
April April 13 / 148 22  
Aug 15, 2012   #4
A healthy physical and psychological body makesthea sustainable future offor children a possible.
where there must be a heavy burden, home workshomework(homework is one word and it's uncountable)

In the intro, you need to write a motivator, then paraphrase the rubric and state your opinion.
As for the body, I think it's not very well-organized. You should have at least two body paragraphs, and each should have its topic sentence (for example you could wrtie one paragraph about the most important subject, and the other about the least one)

In the conclusion, again paraphrase the topic and restate your opinion.


Best
silverfi 2 / 5  
Aug 17, 2012   #5
I totally agree that health must lie on all other success. :D
xiaoyu 2 / 2  
Aug 18, 2012   #6
the foundation of coming success lies on =>lies in

equip who by various skill =>equip with..


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