It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in. Thank you!
Prompt: Should we weigh opinions equally or put more weight on informed opinions?
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Everyone is entitled to and retains certain opinions about certain things. Some are formed with more certainty than others, but what is most important in considering opinions is the amount of fact behind them.
Lack of fact in opinions can seriously endanger a person's wellness. This is evident in the nutritional health of modern Americans. In the effort to stay healthy, many people turn to fad diets that help them lose weight in the fastest manner possible. The popular opinion that healthy and slim are interchangeable is one that is backed by stigma from the media rather than scholarly evidence. The upshot is scores of Americans rushing to jump aboard the latest weight loss trend, only to find themselves back where they started once the excitements fades. By putting weight on opinions that are not well-substantiated scientifically [is this too specific for my thesis as a closing sentence?], we put ourselves at risk.
Misinformed opinions are also catalysts for conflict. A heavily conflicted issue is that of religion. Many people from opinions on certain religions based purely on how others around them feel about the same subject. Instead of learning the real motives and history of the religion, they flout it for rather meager reasons. The ignorance from this causes deep rifts between both sides, such as the debate between upholding christian values or allowing looser restrictions in business concerning homosexuals in Indiana. [This previous sentence felt a little wordy; any suggestions to improve?] If opinions were supported by information rather than feelings, people would be more understanding towards each other [is this too specific for my thesis as a closing sentence?].
Although all opinions should be respected equally, they should not be weighed equally. Opinions cannot be correct or incorrect, but they can be well-rooted or shallow. In order to avoid the damage of everyday risk and moral tension, it is important to consider well-informed opinions with more weight.
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Hello, I will try to help you with meaning.
When I started reading your essay, I noticed that you used the word "scientifically". However, you begin to discuss religion but you don't discuss how science and the Bible connect. When you discuss values you are really making reference to Bible principles. That is the reason why scientifically is too specific for this essay. Here is a suggestion for your thesis: "By putting weight on opinions that are not well-substantiated, we put ourselves at risk both physically and spiritually."
When you discuss weight and fad diets you are discussing the risk of opinions about physical health. However, when you discuss religion you discuss it as a guide.
The difficulty that I read with the second paragraph is that there are two topics: 1) misinformed opinions about religion 2) debates about christian values. You could elaborate on one of these or separate the ideas into two paragraphs.
The slight correction I see is in the second paragraph, where you should have stated: "Many people form opinions..."
Key tips for an introduction: Some people use quotes or are more vague in the introduction. You begin the introduction with many facts that could be in the body of the essay. For example, if my topic was about our ability to hear, I could first begin the essay with facts about our hearing. "The ear is a fascinating structure. Did you know that the stapes is the smallest bone in our body and is located in the ear? Yet, it helps with our hearing. What happens if this structure or any other part of our ear is damaged? It is important to know how the ear functions in order to understand how damage to it can have adverse effects on our hearing."
I didn't use a source for this information, I just used prior knowledge. In the introduction you can see that I am introducing a topic with little facts. The last sentence will help the reader to understand that I will be discussing the topic in more detail in the body of my essay.
In the conclusion, I would have to discuss important parts of the functions of the ear and the damage it can cause because that is my thesis. I could add a sentence at the end of my conclusion that states: "Therefore, this information has proven how important it is to know how our ear functions so that we can care for them properly and prevent any damage from occurring to them."
I hope this example helps you! With some practice, you can organize your paper and determine if your intro, thesis, and conclusion are understandable!
- The upshot is scores of Americans rushing
- ...started once the excitements fades.
- The Ignorance from this causes deep rifts between both sides,
- such as the debate between upholding christian values or allowing looser restrictions in business concerning homosexuals in Indiana(SINCE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A GENERAL TOPIC, NO NEED TO INCLUDE ANY SPECIFIC PLACE) .
- ...butand they can be well-rooted or shallow.
- In order to avoid the damage of everyday, risk and moral tension,
I agree that opinions can be plain opinions unless they are supported with facts, most often than not, misconception is born out of peoples opinions.
On the contrary, everyone is entitled to voice out their opinions, however we have to be very responsible and take ownership of every opinion we voice out.
