question: Mobile phones and the Internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. What ways could mobile phone and the Internet be useful to old people? How does the old people to be encouraged using this new technology?
The invention of mobile phones and the internet has brought significant changes to our lives in recent years; however, senior citizens are less likely to benefit from the booming technology simply because they have limited knowledge in using these modern facilities. In this essay, I intend to explore what benefits could be brought to old users as well as how to raise old people's interest in using these modern technologies.
From my perspective, one of the most significant advantages of mobile phones and the internet application among senior citizens is that it brings considerable conveniences to old people's everyday life. In earlier times, people used to go to the bank, standing in a line and waiting for the money to be transferred from one account to another. Nowadays, however, online banking have become the norm. Thanks to the modern technology, senior citizens are able to do the money transaction at home through the telephone line or with a click of a button. A further benefit is the colorful and vibrant retired life which is brought by the new forms of technology. Even if the elderly live alone, they are still able to communicate with other people around the world through the telephone and the more attractive internet chat programs like the MSN Messengers.
Nevertheless, some may suggest that the limited knowledge may be one of the obstacles to the wide spread use of modern technology among pensioners. Perhaps the most effective approach of solving this problem would be for government to provide financial incentives for companies to design special mobile phones and website for old people to use. Another measure would be for grandchildren who are more privileged in advanced technology to teach their grandparents to enjoy the benefits brought by the mobile phones and the internet.
In reality, this problem will become increasingly significant as the number of pensioners increases. However, I am convinced that the measures above would attract more senior citizens to be interested in modern technology.
You explained benefits rather than solution
i think i've mentioned solutions in the third paragraph, although it seems a little shorter than the benefits, but it's not wrong if i focus on the benefits, i don't see any information about "hey, you should write more about the solutions in your essay" in topic, what do you think
At the end of the first paragraph you told us what you intend to do in the essay, but I still think you should add one more sentence to sum up the main message of the essay. Let that message appear at the end of that first paragraph so that the reader can really appreciate it throughout the essay.
Capitalize the proper noun, "Internet."
That the limited knowledge
Widespread is one word, not two.
Okay, so I think you should give the message of the essay at the end of that first paragraph and then explain it again in the last paragraph.
:-)
