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IELTS: ways to measure success


answers: 4
Apr 29, 2011, 04:32am   #
Hello, everybody. I am preparing for IELTS these weeks and i need some help. To my mind, the essay below contains too much examples. Or is this ok?



Many people judge success solely by money and material possessions. However,
success can be achieved or measured in other ways. Discuss.

One man's meat is another man's poison. In other words, while for one success is associated with making a fortune, for another it means achieving the Everest peak. It is clear that ways of fulfilling ambitions, mentioned above, are entirely different.
However, it is widely thought that money is an essential criteria of success, or even money equals success. I am not trying to argue with this statement, but i am sure there are some other items that presuppose success in a smaller extent though.
Here is an example. It is even possible to meet one's targets by means of chewing a bubble gum for about several weeks. Having registered this fact, you might appear on pages of the Guinness Book of World Records.
Another type of success can be achieving a high post as becoming a president of a small firm or a prosperous country. Without a doubt, this needs a great deal of hard work and intelligence, but what a result! That is why determination to obtain power and authority has been a reason of numerous wars and murders since the ancient times.
To addition, there is also a less global but a still worthy kind of success. I mean a lucky choice of one's spouse and successful upbringing of ghildren afterwards. Unfourtanetely, in today's world, such cases are not so often.
As we can see, methods of becoming happy and satisfied may be numerated endlessly. There are so many possibilities in this infinite world that we only have to choose our own concept of happiness and success, which then we will not be dissapointed with. The main point, in my views, is sometimes to make your intellect keep silence and listen to your heart.



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Hello Diana,

I made some corrections; don't believe they are 100% correct. I try my best when I reply with feedback, although that doesn't mean I'm always right. =)

One man's meat is another man's poison. In other words, while for one success is associated with making a fortune, for another it means achieving the Everest peak. It is clear that ways of fulfilling ambitions, mentioned above, are entirely different.
However, it is widely thought that money is an essential criteria of success, or even money equals success. I am not trying to argue with this statement, but i am sure there are some other items that presuppose success in a smaller extent though.

Here is an example. It is even possible to meet one's targets by means of chewing a bubble gum for about several weeks. Having registered this fact, you might appear on pages of the Guinness Book of World Records.

I think this sounds better: It is possible to reach one's goal of appearing on pages of the Guinness Book of World Records by chewing gum continuously for several weeks.

Another example of a goal would be to become the president of a small firm or a prosperous country. Without a doubt, this needs a great deal of hard work and intelligence, but what a result! However, the results are always good That is why determination to obtain power and authority has been a reason of numerous wars and murders since the ancient times. Are you sure? Explain why.
To addition, there is also a less global but a still worthy kind of success. I mean a lucky choice of one's spouse and successful upbringing of ghildren afterwards. Unfourtanetely, in today's world, such cases are not so often. <-- I dont understand what you are trying to say in this sentence... What cases?
As we can see, methods of becoming happy and satisfied may be numerated endlessly. There are so many possibilities in this infinite world that we only have to choose our own concept of happiness and success, which then we will not be dissapointed with.

The main point, in my views, is sometimes to make your intellect keep silence and listen to your heart.

In regards to what success and power dilemma, I believe that in some cases is better to listen to what your heart instead of your brain.
There are so many possibilities in this infinite world that we only have to choose our own concept of happiness and success, which then we will not be disappointed with. ----hmmmm.... okay, I need to suggest a change, because this sentence is awkward:
There are so many possibilities in this infinite world that we can choose our own concept of happiness and success; with limitless possibilities, no one needs to ever feel disappointed with anyone.

The main point, in my view, is sometimes to make your intellect keep silent and listen to your heart.---I made a small change. Great ending!

Great job!



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