Before rendering my opinion, I think it is necessary to look at the arguments of both sides.
This is OK but I think it would be better if you could state your opinion in the introduction.
For instance, since school years child realize how to...
This will help children learn how to...
gain competitive jobs
secure a job
But there is a darker side of this statement, that people, because of their individualism and self-centeredness can not work in collaboration with somebody or perform the duties which bosses required from them.
However, there is a darker side of this statement, that is, some people struggle to collaborate with others or perform their given duties due to their individualism and self-centeredness.
when children will enter to the adult world.
when they grow up
work in cooperation easier and expedient
cooperation can increase work productivity/efficiency
, if there disagree with each other or argued
You can omit this part.
I think you write well :) Keep practicing and good luck!