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Video surveillance has become common place in many countries to reduce crime


anhminh3105 3 / 7 1  
Feb 27, 2015   #1
In many cities, the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom.

Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?


It is true that video surveillance has become commonplace in many countries by the effort of the governments in term of reducing crime. While I understand that critics may see this as the personal violation, I wholeheartedly believe that there are more benefits than drawbacks.

...
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Feb 27, 2015   #2
Hi, I have made a few suggestions for your writing.

It is true that video surveillance has become commonplace in many countries by{"through" seems better here} the effort of the governments in term[s ] of reducing crime. While I understand that critics may see this as the [a violation of] personal [privacy] violation , I wholeheartedly believe that there are more benefits than drawbacks.

On the one hand, the most important advantage of the video security system is to help police detect the suspect[s ] by monitoring one abnormal activities and prevent him from committing crime[s ] at the mean time. {"at the mean time" is wrong here - what exactly do you mean ?} Not just that, the emergence of video cameras at {"in" is better} public places, such as parking lot[s ] or supermarket[s ], implicitly spread a fear among people and hence they do not dare to make[ allow] themselves [to] become criminals. For example, most of the banks always have such [this] kind of technology installed in order to observe every single activit[y ] of [their] employees so that they will [be] less likely to] steal money. If a bank is robbed, the clips recorded by the cameras will be the effective data and the eviden[ce] for the investigation to [apprehend] seize the robber[s ].

On the other hand, the installation of video surveillance[ systems in] at public places is seen as an invasion of privacy because people are always under constant observation of the authorit[ies]. This could make a person fee[l ] that there is an eye watching him from the back{ "watching him from behind" or "watching him from behind his back"} and he is alike [treated like] a criminal. In fact, the utilization of video cameras is the purpose of government['s method] to restrict attacks from terrorists and to minimize the possibility that anybody become[s ] a victim or a hostage in that circumstances.

In conclusion, although people are opposing that video security system[s because they] violat[e ] their privac[y ], I would argue that it has more advantages than disadvantages.
OP anhminh3105 3 / 7 1  
Feb 28, 2015   #3
the phrase " at the mean time" - I think it is the right time when the crime happens.
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Feb 28, 2015   #4
the phrase is "in the mean time" and it means "while you are waiting" For instance. "The only time I can take the TOEFL is in October, but in the mean time I will continue writing practice essays."
mumtazdinar 12 / 15 12  
Mar 1, 2015   #5
Hi anhminh3105,

These are several suggestions for your writing:

1. It is true that video surveillance has become 2. commonplace in many 3. countries by the effort of the governments in term of reducing crime. While I understand that critics may see this as 4. the personal violation, I 5. wholeheartedly believe that there are more benefits than drawbacks.

1. You stated "true" in the first sentence, but there is no reason why this is "true". I suggest that you write 1 sentence before you give a "true" statement. This is an instance for you: Development in advanced technology such as a CCTV has helped people to control criminal action rates in their towns. It is true ... (You continue with your statement here)

2. Commonplace in: this is not collocate, you have to put "among" (commonplace among)

3. Country is different with city. Based on Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary, country is an area of land that has its own government, army, etc. City is a large town. It is better for you to use "large town or town" to paraphrase "city".

4. The personal: You did not mention the word "personal" before, you have to omit the article "the".

5. Based on Oxford Collocations Dictionary, the word for "wholeheartedly" is used with these verbs: agree, approve, concur, disagree, embrace, endorse, recommend, subscribe, support. For example: I wholeheartedly agree

Suggestions for paragraph 1:
1. You should answer why video cameras reduce crime.
2. You should answer why video cameras restrict individual freedom.
3. You should give more benefits than drawbacks or vice versa and give general examples.
4. Your opinion or your position.

At least, you have 4 sentences in the first paragraph.


Good Luck...


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