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Essay about a valuable life lesson that you have learned-feedback


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Dec 26, 2009, 10:15pm   #1
Hi! this is a essay for my english class. The question is to write about a valuable life lesson that you have learned.

I know that i had many grammar problems so can someone kindly correct my essay and gives suggestions to improve my essay. Thank You So Much!!

I had not once learned valuable lessons in life. One of the life lessons that I learned is to be thankful and appreciate for those that around me. Maybe it is true that we do not appreciate what we had until we lost them and there are moments in life that when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them out from your dream and hug them for real. I did not experience these until my grandmother passed away.

My grandmother was the one that watches me grow up and takes care of me when I was a little girl because my parents had to work and were away from home. She loved me so much that she would do anything for me but I did not realize this until she passed away. Since she was the only adult at home she had to do all the household chores and takes care of me at the same time. Everyday after school, she would wait for me at the doorway and asks me what I wanted to eat for lunch and she would cook the food for me immediately. Every times when I go out to play with my friends she would asks me where I was going and when I'm going to be home, so that she knows when to prepare the dinner for me. As I grow older, I started to hate the way that she waits for me everyday at the doorway and asks me where I was going. I told her that I am older now and that she doesn't have to treat me like a little girl anymore. However, she continued to act the same way as usual. One day when I came home from school and saw her standing there waiting for me, which I did not expected, I was very angry and had a big argument with her. I yelled at her and told her that I am older now and that I do not need her anymore. She did not say anything to me and I ran out the house. I came home very late that night and walk up to my room quietly. I was surprised to find a bow of rice and two plates of dishes on the table in my room. I did not eat the food and dump the whole thing into the trash can. The next morning I woke up early and went to school without saying anything to her.

Two months later my parents decided to immigrate to America. My mother told me that my grandmother said that she did not wanted to go with us to America because she felt that she is too old and would just be an encumbrance for the family. I was depressed that I had to leave the place where I grew up but at the same time I was glad that my grandmother is not leaving with us. In the airport on the day that I was leaving, she told me to take care of myself when I get there and it is the first time that I saw her cried. I wanted to cry too when I saw the tears rolling down from her face, but I turn my head away and did not even say good bye to her. After arrived in America, I was occupied with learning English and did not call home to her even though I heard from my parents that she became really sick after we left. I remember that it was on a cold December day when I heard the news from my parents that my grandmother had passed away. After hearing the news, I can not help it and the tears continue to roll down from my face. In my heart, I felt that something that is always there is suddenly gone and I can not stop crying.

Four years had passed since my grandmother passed away. Every time when I look at her pictures, the tears just begin to roll down from my face. I felt very regret for never apologize to her for the argument that we had and all the strong words that I had said to her. I felt very regret for never thank her for all the things that she had done for me. If, I had another chance, I would tell her that "I love you grandma."

Dec 26, 2009, 10:26pm   #2
Overall, your essay sounds very honest and heartfelt, and I lovej how you use specific details/events in your life to help the reader really understand the relationship between you and your grandmother.

I'm sorry that I don't have too much time today, so for now, I'm just going to help you correct basic grammar issues only:

sujujun:
I had not once learned valuable lessons in life.

Wait, are you saying you did not learn lessons, or you did? The second sentence says you learned a lesson, so clarify the first sentence.

One of the life lessons that I learned is to always be thankful and appreciate for the people that around me and not take them for granted. Unfortunately, many people, including myself, tend toMaybe it is true that we do not appreciate what we have until we lose them entirely. Then later, there might come moments in our livesand there are moments in life that when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them out from your dream and hug them for real. Only then, it'll be too late to go back. I did not experience these until my grandmother passed away. <-- rewrite this and make it sound a bit more stronger Be consistent with the use of pronouns. Don't alternate between using "we" then "you" or may be just don't use them at all and keepe it third person

My grandmother was the one that watched me grow up and took care of me when I was a little girl because my parents had to work and were frequentlyaway from home at work. She loved me so much that she would do anything for me, but I did not realize this until she passed away. Beingthe only adult at home, she had to do all the household chores and take care of me at the same time. Every day after school, she would wait for me at the doorway and ask me what I wanted to eat for lunch, and immediately she would cook the food for me. Every time I went out to play with my friends, she would ask me where I was going and when I would return going to be home, so that she knowswould know when to prepare the dinner for me. As I grew older, however, I started to hate the way that she waited for me everyday at the doorway and asked me where I was going. I told her that I was now old enough older now and that she didn't have to treat me like a little girl anymore. However, she continued to act the same way as usual . One day when I came home from school and saw her standing there waiting for me as always, which I did not expected, I simply burst out in anger very angry and had a big argument with her. I yelled at her and told her that I was older now and that I did not need her anymore. She did not say anything to me and I ranstormed out the house. I came home very late that night and slipped in to my room quietly. I was surprised to find a bowl of rice and two plates of dishes on the table in my room. I did not eat the food and dumped the whole thing into the trash can. The next morning I woke up early and went to school without saying anything to her.

Two months later my parents decidedtold me we were to immigrating to America. My mother told me that my grandmother said that she did not wanted to go with us to America
because she felt saying she was too old and would just be an encumbrance (burden?) for to the family. I was depressed that I had to leave the place where I grew up, but at the same time I was secretly glad that my grandmother iswas not leavingcoming with us. On the day of the departurethat I was leavingat the airport , my grandma told me to take care of myself when I get there and, for the first time, I saw her cry. I wanted to cry too when I saw the tears rolling down from her face, but I turned my head away and did not even say good-bye to her. For the first several monthsafter arriveding in America, I was occupied with learning English and did not call my grandma even though I hadheard from my parents that she became really sickill after we left. I remember that it was on a cold December day when I heard the news from my parents that my grandmother had passed away. AfterUpon receiving the news, I could nothelp it and my tears streamdown from my face. In my heart, it finally hit me that something that had always been always there was now gone. I can not could notstop crying as I became fully aware of the terrible truth that I would never see my grandma again waiting at the doorway, however hard I wished for it.

Four years [font#FF0000]have
passed since my grandmother passed away. Every time when I look at her pictures, the tears just begin to roll down from my face. Every dayI regret for never havingapologized to her for the argument that we had and all the strong words that I had said to her in the feat of anger. Above all elseI very much regret never havingthanked her for all the things that she had done for me. If only I had a second chance I would tell her that "I love you grandma." Except that now it's too late.
I think you should add a couple concluding sentences that talk about how you have changed from this experience and how you plan to apply the life lesson in your future.
Hope I helped! I'm guessing that you haven't lived in America for very long.. I totally understand your pain of learning English, because I went through the exact same thing too! X)
Well, but once again, I want to compliment you on the overall clear & honest message in your essay. But the more you look at it and revise it, your essay will get even better and better. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU! :D
what are types of your writing?

Narrative, descriptive, explanation or just a storyline.

I think you write the essay by using your native language styles.

Try to use complex, compound and simple so that the essay will be more concise.

Here are my suggestions



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