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The usage of free time properly; Relax or Improve mind?


Dr Kumar 1 / -  
Sep 8, 2013   #1
TOPIC : Some people think that it is important to use liesure time for the activities that improve the mind, such asreading and doing word puzzles. other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during liesure time. discuss both the views and give opinion.

It is important to use the free time sensibly in today's busy and stressful life. So some people believe that to improve the mind all the humans should have to engage in certain activities, like , solving riddle or reading books or newspaper. This will help them to increase their memory power. Whereas, few people have different opinion on the issue, they said people should take a rest in leisure period.

Firstly, it is necessary that people keep in touch with the activities as it enhance the brain credibility towards the surroundings. For example reading different sorts of books and go through newspapers expose them to a new world and provide new ideas to overgrowing problems. Another suitable example is certain activities entertain the people to enjoy life, like , watching movies and listening music.

On the other hand, many of the older people take rest apart from their busy life because rest makes them more active. It is essential for the older when their working capability is compromised by various factors. If they do not rest they will exhausted and become ill. For example after 40 years age the ability of a person is starting to reduce.

In the light of the above discussion, it is my viewpoint that all persons should have to use their free time according to their age, so they can be active in the environment. As the young boys and girls must have kept busy with activities to learn more and more to maintain their position in the world. This is the new era where success is really hard to get. In contrast the old age group should also have to beware of modern invention of society along with the proper rest time.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Sep 13, 2013   #2
It is important to use the free time sensibly in today's busy and stressful life.

.... good start... this is the type of hook I like :)
However, your essay is poorly structured. I cannot find the parts - introduction, body paragraphs and the conclusion separately. Everything is in one bunch. You need to work on the structure. Have those parts in different paragraphs. What's the purpose of this writing/ IELTS ? TOEFL? Mention that in the topic in your future essays so that we can provide more task related feedbacks :)


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