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Essay on Urbanisation


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Aug 5, 2009, 09:03pm   #1
Task1

Urbanisation


An increasing number of people moved into cities, for jobs and for much higher quality of life. Although, there can be some benefits such as increased employment and economic benefits. However, the environment changes a lot by the development of economy. Also, it has consequences such as polluting the environment by factories built on the new areas.
Traffic jam was a major problem at present day, especially the rush hours. Too much people from countryside moved into cities for more opportunity. Some of them earn money so they have chance to buy a car. However, it leads to the expanding of taxi's market, because taxis are one of the main traffic tools. You just need to get in the car and go anywhere you want, so there will be more taxis on the road.
The pollution of environment becoming more serious. It's environment suffers as a result of the exploitation. There are more factories and buildings, they bring the dust and the chemical gases, always from the new houses. It's a serious harm for human health, the chemical gases always lead to cancer in particular the lung cancer. And daily CO2 emissions and littering leads to the dirty rivers, and dirty water influence the quality of the seafood. Moreover, water is one the most important Material in the world.
The quality of life increase significantly. One of the reason is city-led rural development. The commodities trading between city and countryside, such as farm produce and daily things. It give a chance for the people from countryside to earn money. They can use the money to rise their quality of life. Such as buying food, clothes, cars and houses.
Even though there can be positive results employment, urbanisation harms the environment seriously. However, it still improving our quality of life. Hoping that the balance of development and pollution will change in several years, and government should pay close attention at the environment.

Aug 5, 2009, 09:18pm   #2
For what purpose did you write this essay? I see you've got it posted under undergraduate admissions essays, but I suspect it is a TOEFL or IELTS essay. Please clarify.

Assuming that you are still working on basic English skills, what I'd like to see you concentrate on is verb tense. It's very important to keep your verb tense consistent, using past tense when writing of the past, present tense when writing of the present, and future tense when writing of the future.

A few corrections:

Traffic congestion is a major problem at the present day, especially during the rush hours.

The pollution of the environment is becoming more serious.

The quality of life has increased significantly.
or
The quality of life is increasing significantly.



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