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Essay about an unfair situation


answers: 1
Jan 9, 2008, 03:34pm   #
Briefly describe a situation in which you felt that you or others were treated unfairly or were not given an opportunity you felt you deserved. Why do you think this happened? How did you respond? Did the situation improve as a result of your response?

Do you see any grammatical errors? Am I answering what the question is asking?


According to the most recent U.S. Census in 2000, minorities account for almost half Conroe's population. Hispanics account for 32.6 percent of the population and black residents account for 11.1 percent. Only about two percent of the registered voters in Conroe voted in the last municipal election. After finding this information with the help of our sponsor, the Youth League of United Latin American Citizens of Conroe decided to be proactive. We endeavored into a number of events that would change the lack of political activism in our community. Many of us in the Youth LULAC live in neighborhoods where the vast population is made up of minorities. We decided it was about time we did something to change our community for the better.
In a democracy, fairness is everyone having a voice. In the words of Abraham Lincoln, democracy is "government of the people, by the people, [and] for the people." With so many people not voting and not participating in Conroe's political process, everyone's voice is not being equally heard and therefore the process is unfair. With houses getting flooded when heavy rain falls and roads needing repair, people need to be able to know about the candidates and vote for the one who will best meet their needs or at least listen.
One of the ways we responded was by going door-to-door, handing people voter registration cards, and helping them fill-in the information. Our sponsor helped us by telling us where the least amount of people were registered to vote. We also offered to call people already registered to remind them when the next elections were. All of these people agreed to give us their number. After this, we planned and went to a town meeting in downtown Conroe. My AP Government class had recently debated the issue of moving to regional primaries in order to have a better representation of the America populace. We decided to take this at the local level and ask the government officials to consider single-member-districts. In single-member district elections, district residents can only elect someone from their district. In at-large elections, all residents vote for all positions. We reasoned that single-member districts would allow residents to have more of an equal voice and more control over governmental decisions than at-large elections.
Ironically, though we were working for better equality and fairness, we came across racist remarks. The local newspaper decided to interview some of the Youth LULAC members after the meeting. A couple of days after the newspaper came out, some people posted ugly remarks on the newspaper's online version. These people claimed that we were a group made up of illegal immigrants who didn't pay taxes. According to these people, we were just here to take their money. They also called us ignorant all because we were a "bunch of high school students." Of course, we wrote back saying how they were wrong in their assumptions. We waited a couple of days for their response, but they never wrote back.
Overall, our efforts of making Conroe's political system more fair is slowly progressing. Though we didn't get single-member districts and received some hostility from some people, we are pushing forward with our efforts. We are currently planning a voting registration fair and a debate among the congressional candidates. Hopefully our efforts will eventually lead to a Conroe where more people are politically active, voicing their opinions, and accepting of each other.

Greetings!

I think you've done a very good job of answering what the question is asking! The one suggestion I'd make about that is that you discuss single-member districts earlier in the essay. At first, it appeared that your only contention regarding unfairness was "With so many people not voting and not participating in Conroe's political process, everyone's voice is not being equally heard and therefore the process is unfair." This did not strike me as particularly unfair, as people were choosing not to vote, not being prevented from voting. However, once you explained about single-member-districts, the unfairness became clear.

Here are some editing tips for you:

We endeavored into a number of events that would change the lack of political activism in our community. - "endeavored into" isn't really appropriate; better would be "became involved in..."

Our sponsor helped us by telling us where the fewest number of people were registered to vote.

moving to regional primaries in order to have a better representation of the American populace.

We decided to take this to the local level and ask the government officials to consider single-member-districts.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com



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