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It's Unfair: Why is bullying getting more and more common?


icemaster2340 14 / 34  
Dec 6, 2008   #1
Hi I am a grade 9 student and i have to do an essay on something that is not fair. heres what I got. Please give me some comments after you read it. (Oh and by the way, my name is Richard)

It's not fair: Why bullying is getting more and more common
"He smashed into the locker at full force. The bully strode calmly towards him and pulled him up close, till they were almost touching noses. He could see the nicotine-stained teeth and lips forming into a cold sneer. When the bully spoke, he could smell tobacco in his breath. 'Think you are so tough huh? You've better have the twenty dollars ready tomorrow. Or else...' The bully spat at his feet and sauntered off." Have you ever seen, heard or experienced an incident similar to this? Recent statistics showed that 77% of the kids admitted to have been bullied. Also, 282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each month. And the most disturbing statistic: 100,000 students carry a gun to school. Bullying is increasingly viewed as an important contributor to youth violence, including homicide and suicide. Case studies of the shooting at Columbine High School and other U.S. schools have suggested that bullying was a factor in many of the incidents. However, I still feel that there is a chance for this issue to be resolved.

Bullying causes both the victims and the bully to get affected, either physically or emotionally. Victims could get hurt when they refused to do what the bully wants. This is a method for bullies to get what they want from reluctant but weak people. Victims could also get emotionally scarred when bullies intimidate them to the point of breaking down. Also the bully could get more and more emotionally unstable after bullying people for a long time. Studies have shown that most of the bullies who liked to intimidate people when they are young would continue to do so when they grow up. Thus the bullies would be affected emotionally as well.

Perhaps the best way to prevent you from being bullied is through standing up against the bullies. Of course, people always say that we should treat everyone equally, but I know that it is easier said than done. Sometimes even I have trouble treating everyone equally. However, If you let bullies stomp over you like some dirt on the ground, well, they will treat you like dirt too. Standing up against bullies works because at heart, bullies are just cowards who only dare to intimidate people who are too scared to retaliate. And they know it.

There is no excuse for bullying. Some people might think that it is 'cool' to make fun of others, but making fun of others weaker that you should not be thought of as 'cool'. Similarly, people bully others to gain respect and acceptance into their gang of friends. Well, if these 'friends' require you to bully someone in order for them to respect you, they are not the kind of friends you should have. Some people also bully others because they get bullied themselves and want to get vengeance. Well, vengeance never solves anything. In this case, it just makes the situation worse. There are many more reasons that I have not listed out, but as I said before, none of them are valid.

His heart sank as he saw the bully walking towards him once more. Here goes nothing. The bully sauntered towards him and gave him a shove. "Well? Where is my money, geek?" He demanded. "I'm not giving you a single penny!" he replied, shocked by his own courage. Realizing it was too late, he continued on. "What makes you think that you are so good? That you can push everyone around? Underneath your physical appearance, you are just a fat coward!" He realized that he had gone too far. The bully took a threatening step towards him. Just then, the principal appeared. "Is there a problem boys?" he asked sternly. "No sir, not at all." The bully stammered. "This isn't over, geek!"the bully whispered as he took off as quickly as he could. Yet, Richard felt a sense of joy knowing that he had stood up against the bully and that it is finally over. Most cases of bullying ends within 20 seconds after a third party steps in and interferes. So the next time you see someone being bullied and too afraid to stand up against the bullies, do not just walk away, step in and do something positive!
chante - / 2  
Dec 6, 2008   #2
Best way to stand up to bullies is to let someone know. Bullies love to know that what they are doing is getting to you so by hiding your emotions to them it could prevent bullying.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 6, 2008   #3
There is not need for quotation marks around the italicized story part. For the opening and closing parts (the story parts), maybe you should keep it italicized and change it to the present verb tense:

He smashes into the locker at full force. The bully strides calmly towards him and pulls him up close, till they are almost touching noses. He can see the nicotine-stained teeth and lips forming into a cold sneer. When the bully speaks, he can smell tobacco in his breath. "Think you are so tough, huh? You'd better have the twenty dollars ready tomorrow. Or else..." The bully spits at his feet and saunters off.

AND, you might try writing it from the second person perspective:

You smash into the locker at full force. The bully strides calmly towards you and pulls you up close, till you are almost touching noses. You can see the nicotine-stained teeth and lips forming a cold sneer. When the bully speaks, you can smell tobacco in his breath. "Think you are so tough, huh? You'd better have the twenty dollars ready tomorrow. Or else..." The bully spits at his feet and saunters off.

Same for the ending material.

You are a great writer, so you should try different things with perspective. I also recomend Stephen King's book On Writing for people like you who are extra talented.
OP icemaster2340 14 / 34  
Dec 7, 2008   #4
Gee thanks... I will think on what you said :)


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