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When I am in uncertainty I feel my emotions at their strongest


fitz1901 2 / 5  
Feb 26, 2009   #1
The essay topic is uncertainty. I'm having second guesses about this essay like mad, so I'm hoping you could clear my conscious, or at least tell me the essay sucks :)

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The peaceful trudge of the months, every few weeks, is interrupted by a telephone ring. The Televisions at my house are mute, the conversations stop, the music goes silent, and every particle, beast, and being on this earth and above is listening to exhaustively to a phone call. My mother draws a sigh of relief, and after a long murky moment, turns around a says " all four of them have made it, all four of them have kept their jobs." My Aunt and Uncles work for Ford, which means almost every month their job is in question, and that every month that telephone call takes place, ending one month of uncertainty and signaling the beginning of another. We Americans prepare our whole life against uncertainty, planning our entire life as an adolescent. We continue to fulfill that plan, keeping life stable and predictable. Keeping life certain. I have learned that life itself is a dive into uncertainty and no matter how far you try to run away from life, it will catch up ( as what has happened to my relatives), so I have embrace uncertainty, and even though at times it is frightening and dark, at other times it is the opposite of what we advertise it to be, and brings the greatest experiences of life.

I must have been about seven years old at a time. We were at an amusement park, rides whirling all around us, arcades flashing, popcorn exploding into amazing displays of yellow. I took a wrong turn, and was lost for what seemed like hours. I never remember being more scared then when I was lost as a kid. In a strange place with no one to turn to, I was desperately uncertain. Would I ever find my parents again? Would they leave without me? All these questions seem cliched, but they were wild fears when I was that young. That is what being uncertain is like, being lost. Your plans have gone astray, you have little to hang onto, and your fears go wild. It is no wonder we try to avoid uncertainty, because it is one of the most frightening feelings we have ever felt.

But in uncertain times I have also experienced life at its best. When I can face uncertainty and prevail is when I feel the most dynamic. When I get that unexpected A on that test, or that speech I am supposed to do goes amazingly well, or get my best time at a race when I am sick. When my planning goes wrong, when nothing turns out the way I have expected it too, and I still prevail. Those are the moments which have defined me as a person. I have found that the twisting and dark world of uncertainty has built me up much more than it has torn me down.

The Televisions were turned off, the music stopped playing , and every particle, beast, and being, both on earth and above, were all listening exhaustively to a phone call. This time no sigh of relief came, no " all four of them made it, thank God" just a long silence and " Uncle Eddie lost his job, they cut his department." I often think about what it must be like after he lost his job, his way of life destroyed, and drowning in uncertainty. He probably looked at everything different, sometimes in dark despair and sometimes in great hope. We become fully alive when things don't go as planned. When I am in uncertainty I feel my emotions at their strongest . Sometime it is a great sadness as I have failed my goal, and sometimes it is complete joy as I have prevailed. In a way, the secure certain life we hold seems kind of dead. Comparing the predictability of certain life and the wild emotions in the times of uncertainty, is like trying to compare a piece of blue cardboard paper to an aquarium, the aquarium is more exciting every time.
Gautama 6 / 133  
Feb 26, 2009   #2
Hello. Did you come up with this topic or was this assigned to you?

I think this essay has some good stories and examples in it but it is not really unified around a central theme. You need to write a thesis statement and stick to the ideas that it presents.

As it stands your paragraphs dont seem to have distinct ideas in them. Think about what specific idea you are trying to convey with each paragraph then find examples from your life to back up and elaborate on that idea. You have good stories to tell here, but the reader just needs to see how all the stories come together and what central idea they support.

It might not be a good idea to start off the essay by jumping right into the story because we are left hanging without a context in which to read it. Get that thesis statement nailed down, get some topic sentences for your body paragraphs that elaborate on the central idea presented by the thesis, and use your stories in the body paragraphs to support each paragraph's main idea. Good luck!
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Feb 27, 2009   #3
Decide what you most want to say about uncertainty, then turn that into your thesis statement. Then, revise the essay to tie all of your examples back to that thesis statement in some way. This will give you a much stronger essay. At the moment, as Tyler says, your essay seems to jump from example to example without unifying around a central theme.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 27, 2009   #4
The essay topic is uncertainty. I'm having second guesses about this essay like mad,

Did you intend that as a joke? That is really funny!! Second guessing your essay about uncertainty... hahahha

Hey, what is up with capitalizing "television," as if it was a proper noun? Don't do that! tv is the devil!

...around a says, "All four of them have made it, all four of
(above) For dialogue, use a comma-space-quotation mark-capital letter:

...around and says, "All four of them have made it, all four of...

Ah I see what Sean means about the thesis statement. Yes, write a good, solid, meaningful assertion at the end of the first paragraph. Don't leave us uncertain about your main idea!
GHouse 2 / 8  
Feb 27, 2009   #5
You are second guessing this eassay? I loved it. I could visualize everything happening as I read. Slap on a thesis statement, a few revisements, and it's golden.

"I have learned that life itself is a dive into uncertainty and no matter how far you try to run away from life, it will catch up ( as what has happened to my relatives), so I have embrace uncertainty, and even though at times it is frightening and dark, at other times it is the opposite of what we advertise it to be, and brings the greatest experiences of life."

I simply loved that part.


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