Hi, Betty
The sentences are too short to be considered paragraphs
I am in line with Vangiespen. In order to write in formal situation you have to use compound and complex sentences. Your essay looks separate partially. It effects on essay's flow and coherence which are not built well.
However, let me try to give some minor corrections
I've been
it's possible
bemo isn't
it's easy
it won't
It's good
can 't take
it's possible
It's very helpful
We don't
we shouldn't
For thoses cases,
avoid contraction in formal writing. Write in up in the complete form e.g :
I have been or
we should not . Contraction commonly used in spoken.
The increasing of the number of population,(omit the comma) absolutely will influences the demandnumber of transportation.
It isjust because we need transportation to do our activities every daydaily activities
So it's possible to find many transportation in the road including public transportation and personal vehicles.
As results, it is obvious that the number of public and personal vehicles increase dramatically.Surabaya also has a traditional transportation that we call pedicabcalled Becak
Hopefully these help :)