Traditional methods of cooking is likely to be extinct - IELTS writing

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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This essay raises the issue related to traditional foods, which are currently being hardly needed whilst non-traditional meals (fast food restaurant products) have already dominated the ones prepared using traditional ways of cooking. Providing there are two options whether this argue is agreeable or not, I think this opinion is not completely incorrect. What I mean by this is that, most people now would most probably prefer to reserve convenience meals to the ones which take long time to prepare. I will expand my view in further paragraphs of the essay.

First of all, it is important to note that people working in offices and in such places that require them to spend entire days working are mostly willing to not to spend long time for a meal. Obviously, this significantly reduces numbers of people who eat traditional foods. I considered myself as an example of those people I stated above.

The opposite scenario with the contrary argument which is well supported by female is that, they cook traditional meals for dinner though it's not eaten in breakfast and lunch. In another words, traditional meals are not likely to be replaced, apparently. But the weak point of this view is that, at present more and more of those housewives start working in the offices and such places where they actually do not have a leisure time to cook something using traditional methods.

To sum up, considering the reasons and examples I stated above, I agree with the view of essay's subject that is the future of traditional meals is likely to extinction, and appropriate measures are to be taken to deal with it.

Obviously, this significantly reduces numbers of people who eat traditional foods. I considered myself as an example of those people I stated above.

"significantly" is adverb and you should use adjective, "significant"

In another words , traditional meals are not likely to be replaced, apparently.

"words" is plural noun, you should use "other words" instead of "another words"

Hello,

Try emphasis on conveying the message of your substance rather puzzling sentence or vocabulary, i even had the same problem but now i concluded it is always better to right simple and understandable content then writing fancy words.

VIEW CORRECTION BELOW

This essay raises the issue related to traditional foods, which are currently being hardly needed as non-traditional meals (fast food restaurant products). As ready to eat meals have already dominated the busy lives of human being. Although traditional method and convenient meals both has their pros and cons, still the it is incomprehensible that whether this notion is agreeable or not, I think this opinion is not completely incorrect, I discern that most people now would most probably prefer to have convenient meals over meals that take long time to prepare. I will expand my view in further paragraphs of the essay.

Good luck

hi,


I think this is unnecessary


this contain speaking tone


This is quite confusing for me. You can give more detail about this example. Maybe because your busy (work more than 8 hours) or you have many deadlines, allow you to consume fast food frequently (try to make the better formal sentence for this).

... This opening sentence needs to hook the reader. In other words it should grab the readers attention towards your writing. So it needs to be clear, relevant to your topic and interesting. The above is too long and makes the reader tired of memorizing so many facts you have writtten there. Don't write lengthy sentences for a hook :(

Thank you all, I appreciate your time :)

---> the part of your prompt. You need more words to discuss this point given.