Hi everyone!
I am trying to write a paragraph to support the theme.
Please help me with some suggestions like do the sentences link well each other? do i need to improve (Grammar, topic sentence,etc)something? (no more than 250 words)
Thank you! And if you need someone check your essay you can inform me as well!!
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Shopping with my mother in traditional market has become a nightmare for me recently. For a long time, Traditional market which locates in
the central of the town is always the first choice for our Saturday routine. It is because Saturday is the most prosperous that almost all vendors
from different areas will gather at among other weekdays. However, something happened last Saturday when we paid a visit to the market. The
market was still full of noisy sounds. The vendors shouted loudly to attract customers. Stinky smell of fish mixed with the fragrance of newly-picked
flowers. The blood stain of the animals was the normal scene when people stopped by the meat booths. Suddenly, we noticed that a strange stand
which we never saw it before at the end of the road. There were many pieces of colorful cloths hanging around with a wooden board painted two words
"Magic Cloths". We stood in front of the stand and surprisingly enough, the vendor amazed us by turning those cloths into vests or scarves without sewing.
With the vendor's expressive language, my mother and I decided to buy ten pieces of cloths undoubtedly. When we unwrapped them at home and tried as
the same as the vendor did, what we found out was merely a fraud. They are no more just pieces of cloth with beautiful patterns. We lost one thousand
because of the carelessness. Until now, those "Magic Cloths" hanging in my room keep reminding us of this mistake without thinking twice.
Shopping with my mother in traditional market has become a nightmare for me recently.
- Recently, shopping in Traditional market with my mother has become a nightmare.Eh, I don't know. Your choice.
For a long time, Traditional market which locates in
the central of the town is always the first choice for our Saturday routine.
- Located in the town's central, going to Traditional market is the first thing we do for our Saturday routine.
It is because Saturday is the most prosperous that almost all vendors
from different areas will gather at among other weekdays.
- Because Saturday is the most prosperous day...(Continue here)I don't understand the sentence here...
However, something happened last Saturday when we last paid a visit to the market. Hm, seems decent. :3
The market was still full of noisy sounds. The vendors shouted loudly to attract customers. Stinky smell of fish mixed with the fragrance of newly-picked
flowers.
The blood stain of the animals was the normal scene when people stopped by the meat booths.
- The familiar scene of bloodstain from animals was seen with people stopping by the meat booths.
Suddenly, we noticed that a strange stand
that we had never sawseenit before at the end of the road. There were many pieces of colorful cloths hanging around,(hanging around what?)along with a painted wooden board painted two wordsthat read
"Magic Cloths". We stood in front of the stand and surprisingly enough, the vendor amazed us by turning those cloths into vests orand scarves without sewing.
With the vendor's expressive language, my mother and I undoubtedlydecided to buybought ten pieces of cloths undoubtedly . When we unwrapped them at home and tried as
the same aswhat the vendor did, what we found out it was merely a fraud. They arewere no more than just pieces of cloth with beautiful patterns. We lost one thousand
because of theour carelessness. Until now, those "Magic Cloths" hanging in my room keep reminding us of this mistake without thinking twice.
Hopefully, this didn't butcher your writing, cuz that's the last thing I want to do. It is totally up to YOU if you want to use what I edited... If not, that's completely fine. :3
Hoped I helped.
