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IELTS essay, topic: Students from rural areas should get a subsidized university educ


Rajeshpaul 1 / -  
Mar 31, 2013   #1
Providing higher education to students who are coming from rural areas is a challenging issue. It has been suggested that government should subsidize their university education. While the proposal has a number of positive sides, it has its own drawbacks too. In this essay, I will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of the proposal and then I will give my opinion.

There are a number of reasons why the suggestion has been made to provide a subsidized higher education to country side students. The first argument is that if governments give these students access to subsidized tertiary education, the number of university students from rural areas will increase significantly. This is due to the fact that a good number of rural students cannot get into tertiary education because they do not have sufficient funding. A good illustration of this is that as a student from rural area, I was able to get my university degree because my government provided me a tuition fee scholarship. Another point is that if we produce more university graduates by providing easier access to higher education for rural area students, our economy will be benefitted from that.

On the other hand, there are a number of drawbacks to providing subsidized tertiary education to rural area students. The first one is that this will disadvantage the urban area students. Second one is that government has more important areas such as health and these areas need more funding. Therefore, tax payer's money will be better spent in those areas. For example, government hospitals in Bangladesh cannot accommodate half of their patients and most of the remaining patients do not get any treatment.

While there are strong arguments on both sides of the case, my personal belief is that the policy should vary for the government of each country based on their economic conditions. I suggest that richer countries should subsidize the higher education for rural area students whereas developing countries should prioritize health sector over subsidized higher education for rural students.
denis_as 1 / 3  
Mar 31, 2013   #2
Hello Rajeshpaul,

Although I'm neither a native speaker nor an IELTS teacher, I've decided to check your essay as I'm also preparing for the IELTS exam.

Providing higher education to students who are coming (come) from rural areas is a challenging (not sure if this words makes a right collocation with "issue") issue. It has been suggested that government should subsidize their (the) university education. While the proposal has a number of positive sides, it has its own drawbacks too. In this essay, I will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of the proposal and then I will give my opinion. (You'd better avoid such phrases as they do not simply make sense: you do nothing but paraphrase the task you are given).

There are a number of reasons why the suggestion has been made to provide a subsidized higher education to countryside students. The first argument is that if governments give these students access to subsidized tertiary education, the number of university students from rural areas will increase significantly. This is due to the fact (due to +n, due to the fact simply shows you are avoiding "because" in order to sound more academic) that a good (high) number of rural students cannot get into tertiary education because they do not have sufficient funding. A good illustration of this is that as a student from rural area, I was able to get my university degree because my government provided me a tuition fee scholarship. Another point is that if we produce more university graduates by providing easier access to higher education for rural area students, our economy will be benefitted (benefit, your form is awkward) from that.

On the other hand, there are a number (you repeat this construction too often; try to think of other ways to say it) of drawbacks to (regarding) providing subsidized tertiary education to rural area students. The first one is that this will disadvantage the urban area students. Second one is that government has more important areas such as health and these areas need more funding. Therefore, tax payer's payers' money will be better spent in those areas. For example, government hospitals in Bangladesh cannot accommodate half of their patients and most of the remaining patients do not get any treatment.

While there are strong arguments on both sides of the case, my personal belief is that the policy should vary for the government of each country based on their economic conditions. I suggest that richer countries should subsidize the higher education for rural area students(,) whereas developing countries should prioritize health sector over subsidized higher education for rural students.

Overall, your essay is good. What it really lacks is factual base (examples). Because of it, it is pretty abstract. Also, I'd rather you paraphrased your ideas as sometimes they are repeated for several times. I'm not a specialist really, but I think this essay is worth 6 band score.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Mar 31, 2013   #3
In this essay, I will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of the proposal and then I will give my opinion.

In this essay, I attempt to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of the proposal in hope of evaluating them in order to form my opinion on it.

The first argument is that if governments give these students access to subsidized tertiary education, the number of university students from rural areas will increase significantly.

.... the main idea here is that the rural areas would be benefited by having their own educated and skilled people who would contribute towards their development when such subsidies are offered by governments. So, this would gear up governments' plans for developing rural areas.


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