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IELTS Topic :Overpopulation is causing problem in poor and developed both nations


answers: 4
Apr 25, 2012, 03:22am   #
Hi Guys,
I am a new member of this forum and I will be going to give IELTS test on 12th may. I have written an essay on the following topic. I would like to request you to give your valuable recommendation and suggestion which will be more helpful for me. And I would like also request you to predict my IELTS scoring.

The world is experienced in dramatic increase in population. This is causing problem not only in poor, undeveloped countries but also in industrialized and developed nation.
Discuss the problem of that over population and give at least one positive solution.


I support to this opinion, overpopulation is creating problems in all over the world. Many kinds of harmful effects are being raised not only in the poor and undeveloped country but also well developed state. Reducing the amount of foods, increasing rate of unemployment, damaging environment effects are seen clearly due to the population growth.
In the first hand, many people are affected by poverty in the undeveloped nation. Firstly, dramatic increased population, also have been increased shortage rate of foods. Lots amount of foods have to consume however production is limited. Secondly, unemployment ratio is growing day by day which is also cause of growing size of population. Thus, such kind of problems invites "economic crises" in the countries.
In other hand, developed and industrialized countries also not far from this problem. The first problem is there is hard to maintain public service properly to their citizen. Second problem is, crime is also arising with the higher density of population. In fact, with the growing competition, people are searching new way to survive and they are adopting wrong approaches. Third one problem, environment can be damaged due to the overpopulation. Likewise, Global warming, Climate changes also effects of growing population.
However, we can minimize those problems to some extent. First of all, it is necessary to give education to the people especially to women. Similarly, governments also have to regulation for birth limit. China has the policy to one child ratio. This types of policy helps to control population. Eventually, similar policy might also be necessary in over crowed nation as India for example.
In conclusion, overpopulation creates danger effects for human beings so we have to be more conscious to mitigate this problem in the time.

Apr 25, 2012, 05:17am   #
I support to this opinion, overpopulation is creating problems in all over the world. Many kinds of harmful effects are being raised not only in the poor and undeveloped country but also well developed state. please rewrite this statement Reducing the amount of foods, increasing rate of unemployment, damaging environment effects are seen clearly due to the population growth.
In the first hand, many people are affected by poverty in the undeveloped nation. Firstly, dramatic increased population, also have been increased shortage rate of foods. Lots amount of foods have to consume however production is limited. Secondly, unemployment ratio is growing day by day which is also cause of growing size of population. Thus, such kind of problems invites "economic crises" in the countries.
In other hand, developed and industrialized countries also not far from this problem. The first problem is there is hard to maintain public service properly to their citizen. Second problem is, crime is also arising with the higher density of population. In fact, with the growing competition, people are searching new way to survive and they are adopting wrong approaches. Third one problem, environment can be damaged due to the overpopulation. Likewise, Global warming, Climate changes also effects of growing population.
However, we can minimize those problems to some extent. First of all, it is necessary to give education to the people especially to women. Similarly, governments also have to regulation for birth limit. China has the policy to one child ratio. This types of policy helps to control population. Eventually, similar policy might also be necessary in over crowed nation as India for example.
In conclusion, overpopulation creates danger effects for human beings so we have to be more conscious to mitigate this problem in the time.


there are many grammar mistakes.
introduction should be strong enough and Conclusion should say the same as introduction and should be written broadly.
I support to this opinion, overpopulation is creating problems in all over the world. Many kinds of harmful effects are being raised not only in the poor and undeveloped country but also well developed state. Reducing the amount of foods, increasing rate of unemployment, damaging environment effects are seen clearly due to the population growth.
In the first hand, many people are affected by poverty in the undeveloped nation. Firstly, dramatic increased population, also have been increased shortage rate of foods. (<---Rephrase this sentence my friend. Its isn't grammatically correct I think). Lots amount of foods have to consume however production is limited. (Lots of amount of food is consumed........) Secondly, unemployment ratio is growing day by day which is also cause (because) of growing size of population. Thus, such kind of problems invites "economic crises (crisis)" in the countries.
In (On the) other hand, developed and industrialized countries (are) also not far from this problem. The first problem is there)(it) is hard to maintain public service properly to (for) their citizen. Second problem is, crime is also arising with the higher density of population. In fact, with the growing competition, people are searching new way to survive and they are adopting wrong approaches. Third one problem( this formation doesn't seem correct), environment can be damaged due to the overpopulation. Likewise, Global warming, Climate changes (are) also effects of growing population.
However, we can minimize those (these) problems to some extent. First of all, it is necessary to give education to the people especially to women. Similarly, governments also have to (set) regulation for birth limit. China has the policy to (one parent :one child) one child ratio. This types of policy helps to control population. Eventually, similar policy might also be necessary in over crowed (crowded) nations as India for example.
In conclusion, overpopulation creates danger (dangerous) effects for human beings so we have to be more conscious to mitigate this problem in the time.

-Your conclusion is not very interesting or properly summarized. Try to read about writing a conclusion in any essay, especially argumentative ones.

Good luck for your exam!!!
Apr 25, 2012, 08:51am   #
Hi;
some of the sentences are run off, and needed to be changed. for example, Firstly, dramatic increased population, also have been increased shortage rate of foods........ dramatically increased population leads to high rate of food shortage.
Second, you need to use transitional words properly:
frst of all, many people are affected by poverty in the undeveloped nation. For instance, dramatic increased population, also have been increased shortage rate of foods. Lots amount of foods have to consume however production is limited. In addition, because of over population, unemployment ratio is growing fast. Thus, such kind of problems invites "economic crises" in the countries.
Secondly, developed and industrialized countries also not far from this problem. Providing public service for citizen is one of their challengs. Also, crime is arising with the higher density of population. In fact, with the growing competition, people are searching new way to survive but they are adopting wrong approaches[font#FF0000]they choose the wrong solution. Morovere,..................
Please rewrite your essay. There are some grammer mistakes.
good luck.



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