HI, guys! Can anyone help me to check my essay? I appreciate a lot if u can point out some flaws in it
Believe it or not, people always confront the problem that the mushroom development of the society give rise to the increasing situation of the impoliteness behavior, thus making them confused to handle it. When faced with the decision of being polite or not, quite a few claim that they would like to treat others the way by which people consider themselves. Nevertheless, in my part, I deem keeping politeness as my premiere inclination. Among the numerous factors which influence my choice, there are mainly two reasons as follows.
The paramount factor with my agreement is that keeping polite leaves better impression on others. Politeness, as we all know, is formed in the rules which potentially set by people's census on the correct behavior towards different occasions and issues. Being politeness gradually attract more attentions in the modern times in that the moral behaviors encounter a serious crisis under the high speed development of economy. In ancient times, an outstanding philosopher in China, Confucius, who was the representative of Chinese traditional civilization, put great emphasis on the significance of politeness. He pointed out that being polite should be a high priority in guiding not only the personal conduct, but also the development of society. Therefore, the Chinese government inherits this belief and put it into practice on the construction of Chinese society. The slogan of the political conference in China is to build a harmonious society based on the ancient beliefs.
The second convincing reasonable explanation I would like to mention is that more opportunities could be derived for our career if we can become a polite individual. Provided that a person, who is highly skilled at certain areas, always behave rude and impudent, it is undeniable that every corporation are unwilling to accept such behavior even if they are eager for a knowledgeable genius. According to the statistics, the extreme politeness in Japan is the key to success in the business world. To illustrate further, in the United States.I went to a newly-opened restaurant owned by a Japanese for its universal popularity. After my enjoyment in this restaurant, I finally got the secret of its achievement--that is politeness. Every steps during the service, I can deeply feel their sincere treatment and respectful attitude, accounting for the fact that a myriad of people prefer to have a dinner there even if the price is not so agreeable.
Admittedly, in some special circumstances, people are hard to control their tempers and may easily get annoyed so that little impolite atmosphere is brewed. Some may say we should not being polite to others who have inferior moral background and cultural education. Furthermore, an seemingly unavoidable quarrel or fight may be formed if no one want to make a compromise. Yet, other's impoliteness is not an excuse for our inappropriate actions. Maybe we need a apology in order to get an agreement and harmony rather than a more severe conflict .
Based on the analysis I have mentioned above, all factors are contemplated. As a result, Being politeness is the one of the indispensable step to enhance our own temperament and create more opportunities not only for our future but also for a more harmonious world since we live in the homeland of human civilization, not in the ape's forest.
I understand you prepare for TOEFL which is a time bound exam. I doubt whether you were able to finish this task on time as your essay looks pretty lengthy.
Thank you for ur tips
actually I spent 40 min to write this essay, the given time is 30min. Do you think a short essay is better ?
can I understand your advise is that the beginning part is not attractive? do you have a good example for a good start?
thank you so much. U r my first visitor. I just signed in today! have a nice day!
eddies [Contributor]
25 / 1,208 
476 5 or 4 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 30 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D
With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.
Pay attention to the approaches that dumi and eddies have suggested above. As dumi has rightly said, this essay is way too lengthy for this task. Remember, time plays a very vital role in this task and if you do not follow an appropriate approach during your test sessions, you would not be able to train yourself to finish this target on time when you are at the exam. So, you need to practice your essays following an appropriate approach for this task.
I will recommend that in the third body paragraph, the second sentence doesn't link efficiently with the first sentence. You can mention one more about "people are hard to control their tempers and may easily get annoyed". For example, a personal experience or a hypothetical one.
hi，thank u for ur careful notes.
I will listen to ur suggestions and try to finish such tasks within the required time.
I still want to ask you mean 4 paragraph is better to handle Toefl essay? I thought "the admittedly paragraph" is necessary cuz it can shows the dialectic thinking toward the topic。 I
have no idea, this approach is learned by my teacher. I don't know what the judgement of the examiner. so confused.
thanks a lot
