Is this a good answer to the question? Do explain myself properly? Is it a high quality essay? Are there any grammatical errors?
I often find myself caring about things such as money, good grades, and what college I will get into, but I quickly bring myself back a step and look at the big picture. I ask myself why these things matter and I rapidly remember the real reason. I can trace nearly every one of my interests, desires, and passions back to three main things that matter to me, God, family, and country. My passion for service to others is prompted by my faith, my aspiration to get a good job stems from my desire to provide an exceptional lifestyle for my future family, and my decision to serve in the United States military after college comes from my intense love of country. There are countless examples of how most, if not all, of what matters to me eventually can be traced back to these three core things. Even though it took me nearly seventeen years to make the realization, I fully understand why. God, my family, and my country are all bigger than myself. I am going to die one day, but these three things will continue on. God is the beginning and the end, my family goes back generations and will continue for generations, and my lifetime will be just a blip in the overall history of my nation. These things matter to me because I want to devote the little time I have on earth towards noble goals that will last longer than my own lifetime.
Patriot, while you do present very good examples of things that matter to you, there is a big problem with your essay. Currently, your answers are all bunched together in one statement. I am not sure if this is because of a word limit or paragraph count since you did not mention anything about those. Whatever the reason though, it has affected the effectiveness of your response to the essay prompt.
What you need to do is dedicate one paragraph each to explaining the reasons why God, family, and country are important to you. The more thorough your discussion, the better looking you will be on paper. Overview answers such as the one you gave above just won't do the job in essays such as these. You need fully developed answers that provide examples to create integrity in your responses and offer the solidity of your belief in what you are saying. The more you can convince us your unwavering belief in these 3 things over 3 paragraphs, the better we will be able to understand who you are and where you come from.
Once you have properly developed your discussion of those three topics, you will find that your conclusion has been strengthened as well. In fact, you can even further strengthen your conclusion based upon how well you discussed your topics.
