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TOEFL: Why do you think people attend college or university? 'It opens the door'


Jonity 1 / 2  
Feb 24, 2011   #1
Hi, I'm new here :) It is my first essay. Next week I'm going to take my TOEFL-test and I will be very thankful if you can read it and give me a feedback! I know, it's not perfect but I'm writing every day and hope it will get better. Thank you a lot!

The topic is: Why do you think people attend college or university?

There are many different reasons for someone to attend college or university. The most important for me are the good academic education, you can get there and the new people you can meet. Naturally, both interfere new experiences and benefits for your personal development.

First at all, I believe that people attend college or university because of the education they can get there. It opens the door to a successful career. At school you are supposed to get the basics of knowledge and discipline. However, by attending college or university you can concentrate on the subjects you find interesting or necessary for your future job, indeed. Your level of education is very important when you make first steps on your career path. For example, the first job interview is always about what you have studied at the university, why you have chosen these subjects and how good were your grades. You are supposed to pass specific tests or solve logical tasks. In this case your knowledge is tested. Therefore by attending college or university you can count on getting a significant good level of education and later an appropriate job.

Another important reason for me to attend college or university is the new experience you can gain due to meeting interesting people with different background. Many students come from another countries, speak a different language and have diverse religion or customs. It could be very useful and exciting to get known someone who differs a lot from you. The university offers this opportunity because all students are still young, open-minded and curios about new things. They can communicate easily and make friends without judging the other. If you have a family and a long-term friendships, it would be more difficult to accept the different one. That is why by attending college or university you can discover an unknown world.

In conclusion, people have diverse reasons to attend college or university. Although I think that every reason does matter, I consider the better education and the new experience gained by knowing different people as most important. They bring any advantages for your professional and personal future life.
kelandpat - / 9  
Feb 24, 2011   #2
Second sentence...Change to 'The most important to me are educational growth and meeting new people.' Third sentence... interfere doesn't seem to fit change to 'provide'

Change First at all to 'First of all"
Take out 'indeed'...
where it says level of education is very important when you make "those" first steps...
Make those changes and read through it all a couple times to see if it flows better
OP Jonity 1 / 2  
Feb 25, 2011   #3
Thank you a lot for your help and corrections! My main problem is that I want to make the things sound more complicated. Perhaps, I should try to use simple structure but to make my arguments stronger and clearer. I need a high score from the test. I'm doing pretty well the other section. Writing is the disaster for me! :( That's why thank you for your advices!
sabrinayaa 12 / 22  
Feb 26, 2011   #4
Well, Can you tell me something how to prepare for the listening section? I think that's the worst part for me.

Keep practicing.
OP Jonity 1 / 2  
Feb 27, 2011   #5
Hi Sabrina,

I'm practicing with the CDs from the TOEFL-Textbooks. I am not sure if it is okay to mention the names of the books. I am using the most popular books for TOEFL which everybody recommends. I think the best strategy for the listening section is to be concentrated. It works always.


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