Unanswered [3] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Writing Feedback /     

Essay on things in life that money can not buy


answers: 1
There are some things in life that money can not buy. The main one: happiness. Following this opening statement is a comparing and contrasting of two candies, fighting for their rightful place in creating happiness in ones mind. Skittles verses Starbursts; one will stand on top and bring forth the true character of people's tastes.

Skittles are a soft candy, with a hard shell outer coating. The rainbow spectrum of colors blends to one's mind, as the colors are of a certain variety, much like an actual rainbow, blending and mixing to create a perfect harmony of flavor. The palate is transformed; there is an everlasting pleasure when one indulges in one of these candies, projecting the eater's mind into a vision of the diverse rainbow, tasting the essential "happiness" thusly created by the flavor of each individual candy placed into one's mind.
On the other side of the fence, Starbursts explode with a mix of fruit juices, divulging into a burst of flavor with the soft, chewy candy melting in ones mouth. Starbursts create a sensory feeling, much like the predecessor in Skittles, but the difference with Starbursts is that they create their own language with their sweet, somewhat sour bodies, manipulating ones mind to agree with their so-called fabricated unreal-love. They create an amazing presence, beautifully shown through the flavor that it has made.

These two candies, both with their equal differences, share normality's which make them alike. These are both, in actuality, soft candies that makes for an immediate example of their likeliness. In other terms, however, they make vivid details in creating peace in ones mind to provide the eater into another world, showing a side of themselves which has never been brought by any other candies, creating their own world of harmony through the taste of fruitful flavor.

Thus said, these candies are due time for their differences. They are, indeed, quite an amazing combination with their creations, but they are not all perfect. Skittles create the perfect rainbow, showing all colors of their kindred spectrum, holding all their special flavors and manipulating the person into believing they are on a rainbow, at the same time as Starbursts creating a feeling of an energetic, constructive mood that one will burst in an inferno of a sweet, sourly, and chewy feeling of their own mind. As a final statement in the differentiating battle of Skittles and Starbursts, I boldly state that the creator of the "rainbow" falls into first place in a blaze of glory, showing its dominance above these two candies. There is a reality created with the Skittles; for indeed, you can taste the rainbow.

Greetings!

I'd be happy to give you some editing suggestions for your interesting comparison!

"There are some things in life that money can not buy." - Although it is not technically "wrong" to make two words of it, it is a much more universally accepted form to make "cannot" one word.

"creating happiness in ones mind. " - "one's" is possessive, so add an apostrophe whenever you refer to "one's" anything. (Don't do it if you are talking about a bunch of threes, fives and ones! :-))

"the flavor of each individual candy placed into one's mind. " - You are creating some very vivid imagery in this section, which is great! However, the "flavor" is placed on the tongue; it sounds a little off to say it is "placed" in the "mind."

"divulging into a burst of flavor" - Since "divulging" means to disclose something private, perhaps a better word here would be "bursting."

"their so-called fabricated unreal-love." - This sounds a little overworked; in order for it to be "so-called," someone would have to actually call it that. I've never heard a commercial for the "fabricated unreal love" of Starburst. You could just take out "so-called," but the rest of the phrase sounds like you are stretching to find something clever to say. It's better to keep metaphors within the bounds of reason, so that they ring true.

"They create an amazing presence, beautifully shown through the flavor that it has made." - You are mixing plural and singular; say, "the flavor they have made" (or "created").

"normality's" - If you keep this word, spell it "normalities"; however, I don't think it's quite what you meant. "Attributes" would be closer.

"soft candies that makes for an immediate example of their likeliness. " - This doesn't make sense, I'm afraid.

"manipulating the person into believing they are on a rainbow" - This exaggeration rings false; maybe better would be "seducing the consumer into a feeling of flying above the rainbow" or something like that.

"at the same time as Starbursts creating a feeling of an energetic, constructive mood that one will burst in an inferno of a sweet, sourly, and chewy feeling of their own mind" - Rather than "at the same time as" just say "while Starburst creates ..."; also, it's "sour" you want here, rather than "sourly."

"showing its dominance above these two candies." - Say "between" instead of above.

Very descriptive! Good job (and now I am totally jonesin' for some Skittles...)!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com



Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓