Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6


IELTS 9 Test 4 - Languages die out every year......... Is this a positive trend?


strongwillow 1 / 2  
Oct 11, 2013   #1
I revised my essay and the total words increased to 337. Even though, I would like to share it here in gratitude to Pahan and dumi. FYI, some of the introduction is stolen from wikipedia:)

Every year, several languages are at risk of falling out of use as its speakers die out or shift to other languages. A group of people maintain that languages have always gone extinct throughout the human history and we should let it be, while other people argue that the loss of languages harms the cultural diversity.

In the last few decades, the world is quickly merging into a global village. More and more corporations are reaching out to the oversea markets. Apart from economy, education is also becoming more and more international. However, language is still the main barrier that hinders international communication. When a Chinese student wants to further his education in Germany, before opening the door of the German technology, he has to acquire the key - the language. Language, from my perspective, is like an elaborate wrapper, wrapping human being's various kinds of ideas. If we remove this redundant layer, we are much closer to the essence.

This phenomenon of dying languages can be seen as a result of the law of the jungle in the language world. The dying languages are spoken by only a few people thus they tend to be more vulnerable to more frequently used languages. The fate of a language is closely related to the economic power of its host country. For example, English is the first language of several most powerful countries in this planet. As a result, English is chosen to be the second language in most non-English-speaking countries. This sounds unfair and cruel, but in the long run, its benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

Though I support there to be less languages, I still contend that the dying languages should be thoroughly studied and documented. Language is a reflection of a certain culture, and carries a lot of cultural heritages. Such study may lead to better understanding of the people and even the human race.

To conclude, I agree with the idea of fewer languages, provided that research and documentation of those dying languages are emphasised.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Oct 12, 2013   #2
I believe it's generally a good thing to have fewer languages in the world.

... your introduction is too short. In fact it is just one sentence :(
Well... for this task, you need to introduce your topic in the introduction. So, your intro should contain several essential features. I am going to copy the structure dumi generally suggests for the introduction for this task....
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Oct 12, 2013   #3
It seems you have excellent writing skills. Your sentence construction, vocabulary, presentation of ideas , everything seems to be fine. As Pahan commented above, your introduction needs improvement. Overall it is a good essay. If you align your structure with one that you can earn more marks, then you can surely go for a real good score. Practice with time because time too has a bearing on this task :)

Good Luck!
OP strongwillow 1 / 2  
Oct 13, 2013   #4
Thank you for the advise and affirmation!
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Oct 13, 2013   #5
This phenomenon of dying languages can be seen as a result of the law of the jungle in the language world.

very impressive :)
The dying languages are spoken by only a few people and they tend to be less expressive and attractive... hmmmmmm, I have a concern here :D

They die out due to low frequency of usage, but it is not fair to say that they are less expressive or unattractive. They may be very rich languages in those terms, but due to the size, I mean small, of such communities , they may be invaded by other major languages.
OP strongwillow 1 / 2  
Oct 13, 2013   #6
Oh, there should be one more sentence in the introduction.

I am inclined to support fewer languages.

:)


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS 9 Test 4 - Languages die out every year......... Is this a positive trend?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳