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IELTS: Teenager or adult years are the happiest?


Scientiana 12 / 43 10  
Apr 4, 2012   #1
Topic: Some people think that teenager years are the happiest years in a person's life. Others believe adult life is much more happier despite of the family responsibilities. Discuss both, what is your opinion?

Nowadays, the discussion which years in a person's life are the happiest is highly debatable. Some people consider that adolescent years are the most contented years in a person's life, whilst many other people think that life as a grown-up is a lot more delighted even though there are many family duties.

In fact, young people of age 13 to 19 years old do not have much responsibility because their livings are depending on their parents or guardians. They do not have the responsibility to earn their living as adults. During those years, the main duty that a person has to do is to study hard. In addition, as there are not so many accountability, teenagers have a lot of spare time apart from their study. They are able to do as many leisure activities as they want to such as watching TV, reading books, and playing games.

However, adolescents' freedoms are controlled by their parents or guardians. For instance, if they want to do something, they need to ask for permission from their parents or guardians first.

On the other hand, adults have a lot of independence, which means that they are able to do everything they would like to do without being controlled by their parents. Moreover, as adults can earn money for their own living, their money could be spent freely.

One downside of being a grown-up is that they have a number of family responsibilities such as earning income and child-rearing, so adults do not have much free time as teenagers. Although they have freedom, they are unable to spend it on their leisure activities due to their busy work and many duties.

Overall, there are many different factors that make teenagers and adults' lives the happiest. In my view, I personally agree that being a teenager is more delightful than an adult despite the lack of freedom and independence.

Please give me some advice about the organization, grammatical error, and appropriate words (formal and academic words) to use in this essay. Thank you in advance.
sharadarige 15 / 25  
Apr 5, 2012   #2
one thing i felt is paragraphi should be long enough and explained as much as possible
one or two sentences won't constitiute as a paragraph


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