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Feedback- Has technology isolated us from society and nature?


answers: 1
Nov 5, 2012, 11:12pm   #
Hey there, I just finished this essay that due in a couple of weeks, and I really want to do better than a B, but my essay skills were never great. Feedback on how to make this a better essay would be appreciated and helpful to me.
Prompt: Explain how modern-day technology (or some particular form of technology) does or does not isolate us from the individual from his/her own self, other people, and/or nature.
You should include a quote from Amber Case's TED speech, "We are cyborgs"

Essay:

A man on the moon, satellites taking a long journeys into space, pictures of Jupiter and Saturn, large aircrafts built to transport 150 people across the United states in less than half the time it would in a car. These technological advances in our society have had a great impact to us, making our lives easier to live and able to do things we could not do fifty years ago. Modern technology has also made our human living lifestyle much more convenient. Some people might say that technology binds us in a world full of addiction and lies, and eventually leads a person to detach from the real world and the others around them. Technology is anything but that. Modern technology does not isolate us humans from nature or society, but helps us analyze and see the beauty of nature, and allows us to stay more connected with the people who we know and see everyday.
Hundreds of scientists and engineers spend time to study and build machines that let humans understand the concept of nature and its beauty: Computerized microscopes that can zoom in 100 times more than the human eye can help scientists analyze what plants are made up of and how they function, or underwater machines that can dive into the sea floor and see the one of a kind creatures that dwell there.. I know that for myself, technology has let me experience natures beauty. On a trip I took to Space Center Houston, the tour guide explained how all of these machines let humans understand the way nature works in space. We then sat in a theater and watched a documentary called "Into the Unknown" that was composed of shots from the Hubble Telescope. Never had I seen something so natural and beautiful that was untouched by man.The planets and stars looked unreal. Towards the end, the documentary then talked about other machines in Earth's orbit that was sent by man, mainly and most importantly communication satellites.
With modern technology humans are able to expand their social circle by hundreds and are also able to have a large, diverse set of friends, co-workers, employees, family, etc. Technology makes it easier for us to communicate with other people. With our cellphones, we can get in contact with grandma across the united states within 30 seconds. Social networking allows people to stay in contact with old high school friends that may have moved to a different region on the map, and every other friend we have come up with. E-mails help us get the word out to fellow employees or getting in touch with the boss or professor. All of these things make us connected. Amber Case agrees when she shows her audience during her "We are Cyborgs" speech a picture of what the mapping of the internet would look like on earth. "This is the first time in the entire history of humanity that we've connected in this way. And it's not that machines are taking over. It's that they're helping us be more human, heaping us to connect with each other" (Case, 2010). Case's point is that social networking, the internet , and phones allows a more convenient way to stay connected with one another and actually makes us more human by wanting to stay in touch.
Some people are led to believe that technology is actually hurting us and todays youth. Kids today are glued to their cellphones or xbox instead of doing homework or socializing, but must realize that the world was different than it was 20 years ago. Society has now grown accustom to living with technology and in another twenty years, the world will be different.

have a great impact on us (opposed to 'to us')

making our lives easier to live and able to do things we could not do fifty years ago (perhaps expand upon this, use some examples. what could we not do 50 years ago? also, this seems to wordy)

human living lifestyle (no need for 'human living', lifestyle will be sufficient)

sent by man, mainly, and most importantly, communication satellites. (a couple of commas between 'and most importantly')

different region of the world (sounds better than 'on the map')

and every other friend we have gained from the past. (opposed to 'come up with')


Other than the above points, I believe this quite a good essay. Well Done :)



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