My tears were overflowing; Like the Wind, Like God

So the homework asks us to make a narrative writing. narrate one event in your life in one paragraph :)) and the instructor is asking us for peer feedback so im hoping you guys can give feedback.. :)) and i also hope i can show your feedback to my instructor..

My tears were overflowing. I couldn't move a single joint. I was so scared. I was paralyzed. The dark surrounding was blinding me. Towering trees around me made me feel so small and the cold gushing wind was freezing me to the bones. I was holding a little girl on my arms. Her hair was long and blue. She was digging her head into my chest and crying. I haven't met her before. I don't know who she is. But she looked innocent. She needed help and I wanted to help her. I stood up and carried her on my back. We got to keep moving. Then she screamed, "It's coming after us again! Let's hurry!" I turned around and saw a demon-like creature was coming after us. Its big bright red round eyes were fixed on mine and his sharp gaze was immobilizing me until I heard the little girl cry. "Run!" I came into my senses and started to push myself into the woods, not aware of where we're going just to get away from the monster. The little girl didn't stop crying. It's becoming faster and seemed like it won't stop until it catches us. I heard nothing that time but the fast throbbing of my heart. It's too loud and scared. Then all of a sudden, everything went slow motion. I can see the little girl's tears slowly got pulled down by gravity rolling down her cheeks. We finally got out of the dark. The sun is soaking the area with light. It was dazzling. I couldn't see a thing but the bright light. I couldn't hold my eyes open. It was blinding me. I closed my eyes for a second. And as soon as I was able to open my eyes, I saw light coming from the window. I was on my bed. And the alarm clock was ringing which I set to 8am. Soon then I realized it was just a big nightmare. I remembered what my best friend told me before, "Your senses can lie to you like the wind, like God."

Hello,

I love writing narratives as well. My advice is below. I hope you can take a look at my narrative as well. Thank you!

Overall, I like your story. I never expected the ending though. I love your conclusion though it is a little ambiguous! :) You have some grammatical mistakes though. You need to keep in the past tense as you started initially.

My tears were overflowing. I couldn't move a single joint. I was so scared. I was paralyzed. The dark surroundingSwas(WERE) blinding me. Towering trees around me made me feel so small SMALL IN COMPARISON and the cold gushing wind was freezing me to the bones. I was holding a little girl onIN my arms. Her hair was long and blue.(I'M SORRY? i DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS PART. BLUE HAIR?) She was digging her head into my chest and crying. I haven'tHAD NEVER met her before. I don't know who she is. But she looked innocent. She needed help and I wanted to help her. I stood up and carried her on my back. We gotHAD to keep moving. (ADD SOMETHING LIKE THIS- I HEARD A LITTLE RUSTLING BEHIND US) Then she screamed, "It's coming after us again! Let's hurry!" I turned around and saw a demon-like creature was coming after us. Its big bright red round eyes were fixed on mine and hisITS sharp gaze was immobilizing me until I heard the little girl cry. "Run!" I came into my senses and started to push myself into the woods, not aware of where we're going just to get away from the monster. The little girl didn't stop crying. It's becoming faster and seemed like it won't WOULDN'T stop until it catches REACHED us. I heard nothing that time but the fast throbbing of my heart. It's too loud and scared. Then all of a sudden, everything went slow motion. I can see the little girl's tears slowly got pulled down by gravity rolling down her cheeks. We finally got out of the dark. The sun is WAS soaking the area with light. It was dazzling. I couldn't see a thing but the bright light. I couldn't hold my eyes open. It was blinding me. I closed my eyes for a second. And as soon as I was able to open my eyes, I saw light coming from the window. I was on my bed. And the alarm clock was ringing which I set to 8am. Soon then I realized it was just a big nightmare. I remembered what my best friend told me before, "Your senses can lie to you like the wind, like God."