Hi,
Below is my essay for the TOEFL test. Please help me check it. Any advice or correction you offer would be appreciated. :)
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All school teachers should be required to attend some courses every five years to update their knowledge.
Teachers always play a big role in our lives. However, being a good teacher is not an easy thing. This is especially true with the rapid development of technology and society. Concepts which teachers have been teaching for long may one day be proven wrong as the technology develops. Aside from that, the whole society has taken so many steps in the last few decades and so many things have changed, better solutions to certain issues have been proposed and the way teachers teach nowadays is very different from before. Thus I believe it is crucial for teachers to update their knowledge every five years, in order to improve their faculty skills.
Firstly, updating teachers' knowledge can familiarize them with the present scientific society and current findings. This way, teachers can load students with newer concepts and theories which will be validated helpful for students' future careers. My biology teacher once said to us that the textbook we are using now is too different than that used ten years ago, because there have been so many discoveries in the past decade and people nowadays have come up with better solutions to certain issues and clearer descriptions for some phenomenon. It would sometimes be confusing for teachers to suddenly accept so many new changes and thus teachers should always keep pace with the proceeding of the science. The five-year interval is suitable and it would only take teachers a relatively short period of time to get burdened with new knowledge.
In addition, the benefit of teachers updating their knowledge is not only for students, but also for the teachers themselves. Nowadays many universities are well-known for the many good articles published by the university professors. For teachers, renewing their knowledge is much helpful for investigation and writing articles. Prestigious universities such as Harvard, MIT, and Princeton provide plenty of access to current scientific articles and reports. This brings not only a great academic atmosphere, but also abundant resources for faculty members to write papers. The courses designed for teachers to update their knowledge have the same effect as the investigation resources do on them. A recent survey shows that 60% of the professors, who have over ten years' teaching experiences, have more or less trouble when writing articles since they are unfamiliar with many recent discoveries. It is understandable because after all, teaching is still the main goal of teachers for which they need to spend much time. Hence, teachers should take courses regularly to learn about the discoveries if they want to continue exploring their professional fields.
However, there are still a few concerns on whether teachers should take specific courses to update their knowledge. The cost needed to support so many teachers is one thing. Besides, the teaching process might become more complicated with all of those recently proposed paradoxes or new solutions. But just think about the great benefits I have mentioned before in this essay. This is an ever changing world and being equipped with new knowledge is beneficial for students before entering their fields.
Thanks,
Hankun
You write very well - good grammar, vocabulary, ideas etc. However, I wonder whether it is wise to spend so much time on your intro as this task has a major bearing on time. Have you been able to finish the essay within 30 mins? If not, cut down on details. Have a good hook to open your essay (the first sentence here is alright) Then quickly move on to explain the reader about the background of the issue. You can do that by simply paraphrasing the prompt. Then express your opinion in the last sentence of your intro. That approach would be enough for you to earn a decent score for your intro and impress your examiner :)
