I am taking IELTS after 2 weeks. Please, rate my essay and give your suggestion to improve it.
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Children are the most innocent of all. To carve them into a responsible and social person is a great responsibility. Both, parents and school, play their own part in the sound development of a child.
First of all, since birth to school age, a child spends the greatest portion of time with his parents. It does not mean that after schooling he is separated from his family. Rather, the child stays more connected to his parents during that age and he learns good manners, to respect elders, help his friends, and to use appropriate language. He learns to be a well- behaved child. During this time of life, parents play a great role in teaching all these basic lessons to their children. And, the most important thing needed for this is, a healthy environment in a family, as this will help a child grow more social.
On the contrary, children from disturbed families miss such opportunities and tend to be more aggressive and anti-social. These children easily get involved in fights with their playmates, use abusive words, or bully other ones. Such children are fragile. Similarly, in the absence of effective guidance during childhood, these children could get involved into criminal activities, during teenage.
Secondly, once a child starts school, he starts learning different things. Along with the various subjects being taught in the classroom, his education also includes factors that can add to his social upbringing. At school children are also encouraged for activities like group plays, attend music or painting classes, or participate in annual sports, and many more. Through such activities, they learn about morality, humanity, and concept of co-operation and mutual understandings. They learn to choose their career. They might become a doctor, an engineer, an architect, or a politician and their job will surely benefit the society in its own way. A school can provide a strong basement for the future they might have. So, it is important to include teaching students about their culture, lessons of morality, and belief of serving mankind, along with other subjects.
Finally, parents should encourage their children to practice good manners and discipline. Moreover, school education should focus more on developing all the aspects of a child rather than just providing bookish knowledge. As a whole, good parenting with better schooling, when combined together, children will grow into a gem to our society.
hello :) allow me to correct your writing..
to respect elders, help his friends, and to use appropriate language
I think it's better to parallel those three phrases : to respect elders,
to help his friends , and to use appropriate language
like group plays, attend music or painting classes, or participate in annual sports, and many more.
I think it's also better to make it parallel:
like attending group plays, music or painting classes in annual sports and many more
CMIIW :)
