IELTS: The tax reduction of state school for parents who have children studying in private system

First of all, I want to express my appreciation for all feedbacks of members of forum give to my prior essays. I hope you guys will continue to give me a favor with this essay

Topic: Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some people who send their children to private schools contend that the amount of taxes they pay for the state education is unreasonable. However, I am utterly convinced that these taxes are absolutely essential.

Firstly, by paying taxes for public school, affluent people effectively contribute to narrowing down the gap between rich and poor. It is true that many poor families are not able to afford tuition fees for their kids to attend a course. With the the tax amount for which they pay, the rich may help a vast number of students from families with poverty background to continue their studies, and earn a better quality of life.

Secondly, the tax reduction for parents of children studying in private schools would lead to a waste of public capital. Obviously, this reduction would cause a difficulty to the tax calculation; therefore, the government would have to recruit a greater workforce in order to handle this sophisticated issue. In addition, the government would also pay the salary for the excessive officials, and this would result in insufficient investments in other crucial public sectors such as education or health care.

Many parents supporting for the idea of tax discounts claim that such tax payments are unfair for them. They point out that it is irrational to require them to pay for the taxes they do not use. Nevertheless, we also pay for the public services that we even do not experience a chance to employ like police or fire brigade. We certainly do not hope for a reduction for these sorts of taxes.

On the whole, I do believe that taxes paying for state schools are necessary to be compulsory for all members of society no matter where their children enroll in.

On the whole, I do believe that taxes paying for state schools are necessary to be compulsory for all members of society no matter where their children enroll in.

I think it could be rephrased in a better way. On the whole, I strongly believe that paying tax for public education system should be made mandatory, irrespective of the kind of enrollment of our children.

State education system = public education system, trying to use synonyms and avoiding repetitions.

Firstly, by paying taxes for public school, affluent people effectively contribute to narrowing down the gap between rich and poor. It is true that many poor families are not able to afford tuition fees for their kids to attend a course. With the the tax amount for which they pay, the rich may help a vast number of students from families with poverty background to continue their studies, and earn a better quality of life.

With the the tax amount for which they pay : They refers to who ? the rich people who pay tax or the poor people ? I think the subject is not clear.

to continue their studies, and earn a better quality of life : I think this comma should be removed. Please check.

They point out that it is irrational to require them to pay for the taxes they do not use.
They point out that it is irrational to expect them to pay tax for services which they do not use.