Talent is one of the awesome things in the world and no doubtundoubtedly people who have talents are more better than the others. Some people suggest that talents is a gift from god( well I think you should not use this because it is too... religious? Maybe just say "Nature" is fine) . while others disagree and believe that looking deeply into each others and you can find different giftspotentialswhichit need only developmentin order to flourish .
well here your prompt asks:
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance sport or music, and others are not. However, it sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
but your intro did not quite relate to it. You did say
Some people suggest that talents is a gift from god
but you didn't mention the other side which is:
it sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
, instead you said:
looking deeply into each others and you can find different gifts, it need only develops.
Can you see the irrelevance?
Every person is born with definitely gifts such as music or ball control or dance or others . Some peopleof these talents have strongly marked since bornbirth , while in the others it appears during their life. Moreover, some people who have have been developing it since childhood and in adult life they become a famous stars in the world and sometime their gifts are make them rich people . The famous pop stars and football stars who we can see via TV every day are an excellent example of it .
Well generally speaking, you need to practice writing your topic sentence. You can not just go straight to the point without saying what you are gonna say right?
On the other hand some people strongly believe that nothing happens without trying, being taught and hard works . Every person can reach all goals of developing any talents and become who he or she wants. Many people in the world become good dancer or businessman or scientist and others everyday. Furthermore, many special schools are created nowadays, for children with high intellectual ability where the teachers help them to find tier gifts and to develop them.
Well I understand most of your ideas. However, you should use clear and more persuasive evidences to prove your point. Here you just list out the facts which is not plausible at all.
In my opinion, I believe that, every person has a huge amount of capacities, however a lot of people kill them inside, don not go to dilated(what do you mean by this?) their reputation and success. Government should spend more money on training and developing organization which taught children. So it very amazing investment for future of country(you should not mention something which does not appear in your paragraphs. Here you should only summarize main ideas rather than stating new notions) .
Take care of your grammar, vocab and organization :)
