Here are my suggestions:
"The one thing that everyone wants in their life no matter who they are is success. Success and the rewards that come from
it drive people to work hard and to persevere, but is there a point where success can be harmful, and even disastrous? The fantasy of success can blind people, causing them to do terrible things in order to reach their goal and in the same way, glory from success can make people exceedingly proud and selfish.
Ambition and the desire to succeed are very strong forces that drive people to whatever it takes to reach a goal, be it compromising morals or even hurting other people. This was the situation during the Crusades. The Pope, wanting to annihilate all political and spiritual opposition declared holy war and pursuaded
his people to kill many innocent people by granting indulgences What do you mean?
. The Pope and the C
rusaders were successful in recapturing Jerusalem and stopping the growth of Islam, but it was also a disaster though they did not see it as one at the time, creating many future problems for the Church, planting seeds of hatred in many Muslim communities,
and killing many innocent people. This act of pride and ambition was selfish, brutal,
hristian. This colossal mistake has come back to haunt us as many of the problems in the Middle East and terrorism can be related to the mistreating and massacres of the Crusades.
In the same way, the glory from achieving a goal can distort ones perception and ability to reason. Julius Caesar was a great military and political leader who achieved his goal of uniting the (Which country?)
country under his rule (Remove comma)
but his selfishness and lack of insight gradually caused the glory of his victory to dissipate. As a result, he was murdered by his fellow politicians and countrymen, including
loved dearly. Though he succeeded in gaining power and uniting the country, the power and glory of his success blinded Caesar
and lead him down a path full of calamity. (How?)
In conclusion, although stories of success are usually thought to have happy endings, success can bring out the worst in people and turn terribly disastrous. The desire to reach success and the fame and glory that results
from being successful can both blind and destroy a person."
Nice job. A couple of mechanical errors, nothing very extensive. What you can work on is expanding your examples. You have some great analysis and some complex thoughts, only you do not follow them through. This has the potential to be a very powerful expository essay, so make sure you are very complete.