this is just my opinion, hope this help.
Successful people are in everybody's attention.
- It seems to be not clear.
Behind their success in life
canmay be either hard work or luck
I, personally, believe that luck is more important so I do not agree with the above quotation.
- I think that you should not state your opinion that is simple like that.(In other words, do not mention the topic like "above quotation").
First argument that I
can bring to sustain(I would use support) my opinion is that "the luck" such as being born in a rich or powerful family.
- It seems like an example rather than an argument.
- ""the luck" such as being born in a rich or powerful family." is not a clause. So your sentence has a grammatical mistake.
Being born in a famous family opens the doors more then anything else. For example, take some generations of politicians, mafia clans, inheritance in the families. A big percent of the today's successful people are coming from decades long rich and powerful families. For example, Bush family, the Rockefellers, etc
- I think your examples are not clear and effective enough.
In conclusion, success in life is about having the "opportunity" and the "luck" to focus your hard work in the field that you have chosen.
- I think this conclusion make reader ambiguous after what you done. If I were you, I would confirm the thesis in the introduction, then infer a lession that emphasizes what is realy success (such as opportunity, luck, hard work...).
Good luck ^_^