Some people say,(this can be replaced with "Some people believe that" )
earned or who has lot of money are the ones who are success (earn or have a massive amount of money are the only ones who are successful.) in their lives. Some (Others)
cannot be measured by the amount of money one
earned in his life earns.
In my opinion success has a
broader definition than the earning power of a person.
First of all, isn't it possible
someone ( I think "a person" is more formal here)
to be successful
without money?Lord Buddha,
who was one of the greatest religious leaders in earth(I think it is better to use "the world")
, became successful
realized the truth of life. He taught what he realized to thousands of people and let them follow his path to 'Nirwana', b
ut did lord Buddha have lots
of money by the time he achieved his success?
him to realize (in realizing)
the truth and thereby to achieve what we believe as (I think "is" is better)
the greatest success one could have (we can also use reach instead of have)
in this earth (I think this is unnecessary)
Take another example from the life of Thomas Alva Edison;
an American inventor who
developed many devices that greatly influenced
life around the world.
including (For instance,)
the electric light bulb. Does anyone treat him as a failure? <<(This is not required here)
He is one of the most successful scientists
in the world.
argue on his success (you may also use accomplishment)
? Was money behind his success? Was he born
to a in a
rich family and therefore let him do all these inventions (I think this shouldn't be included)
? No. There's no relationship
money and his inventions (acheivements is more recomended)
. Of course his inventions made him rich. But no one
money made him successful
Above are two great examples which support the fact that money is not a necessary factor for one to
does all who earn or who has lot of money can be considered as success are all wealthy people considered as achievers of success
? Imagine a person who is rich but
not having does not have
life for some reason. He
fights everyday with his wife argues with his wife everyday,
and his children
are not listening to obey
him. Can we think of
him as a
Similarly, consider a person who has a
lot of money but is
suffering from a deadly disease which has no cure.
Even though he has money in his bank, he cannot use it to save his life With all the money he has, he still cannot save his life
Will anyone say that he is success in his life? Is he estimated as a successful person? ( I think if you replace this paragraph with the following, it would be more suitable : Another example is a person who is rich but suffering from a deadly disease that has no cure. Although he has a large amount of money, he still can't save his life.)
Likewise, there are enough and more examples which
exemplify approves to
the fact that amount of money
the only definition of success. used to measure success. However, money could be a factor when defining success; but it's not the one and only one of success but not an essential one.
I think it is good for a starter, and I hope you improve your writing more. Just keep on practicing and believe me you will improve in a remarkable way. Btw, I am preparing for the IELTS as well. My exam is on the 9th of Janruary 2010.
I hope you take a look at my essays and give feedback on them , your opinion is highly appreciated.
Wish you the best :)