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should students have part-time jobs while studying?

answers: 3
hi guys, i'm going to hand in my assignment next week. i ve finised it but i feel that it's not really good. Please comment my essay or suggest me how to improve it. Thanks u all. ^_^

here u go

Many students are wondering whether they should get part-time jobs or not because there are different opinions about it. Some people claim that the main task of students is studying hard so that after graduation, they may get a good degree, which offers them a better opportunity for well-paid jobs. Nevertheless, I believe great benefits, which part-time job provides, outweigh more than that.
Opponents of students having part-time jobs insist that such these students will face a decline in their studies. Because part-time job will occupy students' precious time for college work, they will have no longer enough time to finish homework assigned or widen their knowledge through reading books. Consequently, they will fall behind the class schedule. In other words, part-time job is responsible for students' bad study result. Nonetheless, in fact, if students know how to balance and make effective use of the time to work and study, their study result will be not affected badly. For instance, students can develop a daily plan which defines how much time they should spend on working and on studying, or they can study while waiting for the bus as well .Especially, studies show that students who work possess a better time managerment. Hence, they will probably work out a way of accomplishing the tasks. Besides, part-time jobs positively enable students to apply their knowledge in practice; and this helps them remember and know better about what they have learned in classes or books. "Tutor" could be served as a good example for a part-time job in which many teacher students assure that they are learning by teaching. Clearly, having part-time job cannot be to blame for the bad study results. It all depends on students themselves.
Opponents, then, maintain that many jobs do not require the student's knowledge. Therefore, they do not gain any knowledge from it. To some extent, it is quite true. However, working can contribute much to their pesonal development instead. Working environment will foster a sense of competition, which is likely to determine students' success. They will always try their best to catch up with or even to become better than others. Futhermore, it may boost students'confidence and require them to learn on their own how to behave well towards other people if they want to survive in such a competive place. Also, they will know how to cooperate with others to complete the work. What is more important is that students can apply all such those things in class where they have to work with friends, or be confident to determine themselves. What's more? Having part-time jobs means having a chance of making friends with many people, who may help them out of difficulties. Besides, students can earn money by themselves; and this partly relieves their parents' economic burden

Opponents claim that the higher the qualifications students obtain, the better their job will be. Nevertheles, one's success at school is not necessarily a guarantee for one's success at work. What one acquires from books and how one applies it in practice are different matters. Besides, your behaviours in the work place partly bring the success. It should be convinced that ones whose experience and social skills have already gained from doing part-time job will stand a reasonable chance of having a satisfactory job. There is a fact that nowadays most companies would prefer to employ such those people.

To conclude, having a part- time job doesn't significantly affect student's study result. to some extend, it may help student study better. Furthermore, it will bring considerable benefits for students. Therefore, in my opinion, there is no reason to oppose to it.
Nov 18, 2010, 01:10pm   #
Some people claim that the main students' task is studying hard so that after graduation, they may get a good degree, which offers them a better opportunity for well-paid jobs. Nevertheless, I believe that great benefits, which part-time job provides, outweigh more than that. , generally, are more advantageous.
This is pretty good! One way to improve your writing is to make a longer intro paragraph and a longer conclusion paragraph.

In this essay, you have a short intro and long body paragraphs. I think you should look at the essay -- read it twice -- and then write a sentence that expresses the main argument of the whole essay in a single sentence. Add that sentence to the end of the first paragraph.

So, instead of just ending the first paragraph with a statement that you believe a part time job provides great benefits, you should end it with a sentence that LISTS the benefits.


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