My Struggle to Achieve Greatness: Law School Personal Essay-Looking for feedback

My Struggle to Achieve Greatness

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." -Michael Jordan.
I chose that quote because it best describes my struggle and what I will achieve. The only way to begin anything I guess is from the beginning. This essay will show my struggles, my triumphs, and my road to a life long goal.

In 1995 I got my high school diploma which was a struggle for me because I became a parent for the first time. At that time in my life graduation was not an option my parents pushed me to at least graduate high school. I have always wanted more for myself, my dream as a kid was to become an attorney. I use to read books about Thurgood Marshall and I knew one day I would sit on the Supreme Court. People would say if you have a kid you should just give up on your dreams of becoming a lawyer. I decided that I would go to a community college first just to get a feel for college. I did what most kids did at 19 years old I played around and did not take college seriously. When I realized that I had allowed myself to get so far behind I stopped going. I decided hey I will just find a job and take care of my baby. I found myself working for this company for about 6years and I felt like so unhappy. I wanted more so in 2005 I decided to go back to school. By the time I had decided to go back to school I was now a single mother of four children. I always tell my children how important going to college is and how education is something no one can ever take from you. I felt like a hypocrite because I did not finish college. I enrolled into college to get a bachelor's degree in Business Management. I was determined to do better than I had done my first go around in college. This time I was working full time and I had my children but I was determined to succeed. It was not easy I struggled, cried, and fell a couple of times, but I was not giving up this time. June 16, 2007 was one of the best days of my life it is funny just writing about I still get emotional. I was able to walk across that stage at the Liacouras Center in front of my children and received my bachelor's degree. I was so over-whelmed with tears of joy because for me it was a long hard road. Now it is my goal to achieve a life long goal of going to Law School. I can only achieve success this time because I have made it through adversity.

Fredrick Douglas said "We have to do with the past only as we can make it useful to the present and future." I know what I have been through and I have learned from my failures; so I plan to use my past experiences to become a good law student and a great attorney.

am looking for some feedback on my essay.

Try not to include I guess in the first paragraph. Other advice is do not begin your essay with this essay will tell you or you will read about. Also do not include like unless you are writing similes and metaphors. The last line of your essay doesn't make sense either ( Ithink you forgot the I in front of am). Even though there are some mistakes, great essay!

I have always wanted more for myself; my dream as a kid was to become an attorney.

I used to read books about Thurgood Marshall and I knew one day I would sit on the Supreme Court.

Run on sentence: I did what most kids did at 19 years old I played around and did not take college seriously.

Let's not be so informal: I decided hey I will just to just find a job and take care of my baby. I found myself working for this company for about 6years and I felt like so unhappy.

Another run on sentence: June 16, 2007 was one of the best days of my life it is funny just writing about I still get emotional.
You must end that sentence: June 16, 2007 was one of the best days of my life. It is funny, just writing about it I still get emotional.

:-)