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TOEFL:I strongly agree that government should improve public transportation


answers: 5
Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

Some people say improving roads and highways is most important to solve the traffic problem, but most people did not have a car. Hence, in my opinion, I think improving public transportation is most benefic to most people.
First of all, a good public transportation can help people to save many time, they do not waste time on waiting the red light or to find a parking lot. For another thing, having too many cars on the road is the major factor to cause the traffic problem, because some of drivers do not follow the traffic rule. Pedestrians often face this dangerous road condition; they have meticulous cross the road. The car accident happened in every month. Many young men were died in the car accident. That was broken many family.
Secondly, a city has a convenient public transportation will attract many people from other city, because they can take the bus or subway to work instead of driving car. That is helping them to save money and time, and they can use the money and time to do other things. As a consequence, many companies will establish in the city for attract those talent employee, and that will help the city more prosperous. People can find a job easily.
Thirdly, the crowd traffic makes noise and air pollution. People are suffering from those problems in the city. Just like me, when I am studying, I cannot focus on my book, because my nose is runny and the distracting noise is influence me. A good public transportation will solve those problems; people can live in a good environment. For another thing, a complete transportation will attract many tourists, because tourists do not understand the street and road where they visit it first time. An accessible public transportation can guide the tourist to many places. That will promote the city's reputation.
Above that, I strongly agree that the government should spend money on improving public transportation.

Jun 16, 2010, 12:06am   #
Dear shih-han Hsin,

Thanks for sharing your essay with us. It was interesting to read it.

After I had read the title, I thought that I would prefer 1st statement and when saw from first sentences that you are going to write supporting the second statement it became more interesting for me.

I thought that if the essay will be able to change my mind then it is good one. Hereby, I would like to mention that it could not change my viewpoint totally, there were some points that I liked and some gaps as well as. You have shown some expressions, simple but traditional factors that still active today and example from yourself that I liked and were well suited the essay.

What I would advice you to work on is the structure of the writing. You should enlarge and enrich the paragraphs. Introduction and conclusion are too short. Conclusion in one sentence, I think, is not right. In comparence with other paragraphs your first support paragraph should be bigger as it is the main one.

I did not see a special paragraph of contrary ideas. It should come before conclusion and points that you can think about the topic critically as well.

Additionally, there were some word and expressions that you have repeted for several times. For instance, money and time, people, public transportation and the like. I t would be better to paraphrase them. Thus, the text seems to be more colorful and indicates that the author has rich vocabulary opportunities.

Wish you great success in the followings. I do believe you can do really good job.
My best regards,
N2F5
Jun 16, 2010, 04:34am   #
First of all, a perfect public transporttransportation system can help people to save many time, they do not waste time on waiting the red light or to find a parking lot.
save time or save much time.
First of all, a perfect public transport system help us save a large amount of time. Passengers do not need to spend time on waiting for the traffic light turning from green to red or finding a parking place for his vehicle.
Some people say improving roads and highways is are most important to solve the traffic problem, but most many people did do not have a car any personal vehicle. Hence, in my opinion, I think improving public transportation is most beneficial to most many people than spending money on improving highways and roads.

First of all, a good public transportation can help people to save many much time, they do would not waste time in on waiting at the red traffic light signals --I hope you mean train here, but public transportation includes bus as well which will stop on traffic lights, so please specify clearly. or in to finding a parking lots. For Another reason thingbeing, having too many cars vehicles on the roads is the major factor to cause the for traffic problems, because some of drivers do not follow the traffic rules. Pedestrians often face this dangerous situations road condition; when they try to cross a road. The car We witness several road accidents happened in every month and many young people men were died killed in the car road accidents leaving their family shattered. That was broken many family. --make it generic. instead of using car, you can say personal vehicle; instead of car accident, you can say road accident.


Your points were very nice. you need to burnish them. pay attention when you use words like many, much and most.

Good luck with your exam.

Regards,
Renga
Some people say improving roads and highways is the most important action to take to solve the traffic problem, but most people did not have a car. most people do not have cars. Hence, in my opinion, I think improving public transportation is most beneficial to most people.--- this is pretty clear. It is good reasoning, too!

First of all, a good public transportation system can help people to save many much time.

Use the same verb form: waiting and finding
They do not waste time on waiting for the red light or finding a parking lot. ---- I like it!!

Secondly, a city that has a convenient public transportation will attract many people from other cities, because they ...

This is good writing. I don't know how confident you are in it, but you should be confident. Keep practicing, because it is almost perfect. Keep reading books and articles in English, and read them aloud. Learn little things, like when to use "that"
Secondly, a city that has a convenient public transportation...

And this rule is called number agreement:
... will attract many people from other cities, because they ...
people is plural, so the next noun, "cities," must be plural.

:-)



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