my suggestions are inside the (............)
In this modern era, many jobs are becoming very (increasingly) stressful for workers. Along with that, their working hours also expands(this sentence is better in the causes of work stress paragraph). In this essay, I am going to discuss two main causes of the issue and suggest possible solutions to it.
In my opinion, high unemployment rate and the urge to make more money are two reasons for this trend. Firstly, it is undeniable that the number of jobless people is on the rise. Therefore, it would be much easier for a company to hire someone else as a replacement for one (I think using someone here would be repetitive so I keep "one")who cannot fulfill his tasks at work. ( In contrary, if worker is released from work for forever, it would be very challenging to find new job).
This is why many employees have to stay at the office and work overtime so as to meet the targets and not be made redundant( so as to overperform and satisfy the employer.)Secondly, the inflation rate is growing day by day leading the cost of living to a constant increase. Hence, in order to make ends meet for himself, or even support his family financially, one is under stress to work harder and perform better which will possibly result in promotion or higher salaries and bonuses.
( which .......... Bonnuses- this is irrelevant part- better omit it)
As stressed workers (are to - erase it) impede a company's performance, it is essential to consider some solutions that could tackle the problem. Employers must be aware that longer hours of work does not (mean - replace it by "improve") efficiency can be improved( erase- can be improved).
in contrast, it might result (in employees working less effectively owing to - erase it!) stress and fatigue ( related accidents ) .
Also, ( replace also with "instead") companies should ( focus in )provide (providing) a (some) sense of job satisfaction (security - is better here) ( and assurance to their workers so that they can fare to the best of their ability.- no need this part).
Employers can achieve this by creating a friendly working environment and( providing creative means for stress releasing ). Supplying fitness and recreation rooms, which will generate an intimate interaction among coworkers and at the same time keep them healthy and relaxed; or offering their employees long-term contracts.
In conclusion, many employees are now( having to - no need)face ( ing) stressful ( stress at) jobs and long working hours due to a high level of unemployment and their financial needs. In spite of this, (companies should take- replace with " there are various ") measures to lessen the pressure (put on their employees and the hours of work - no need) for the sake( of their profits - replace with " of boosting workers passion and increasing the performance.
I edited in my iPhone . So might look "ugly."