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IELTS: Stressful jobs and long working day_problem and solutions


answers: 11
Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees?

In this modern era, many jobs are becoming very stressful for workers. Along with that, their working hours also expands. This essay will point out two main causes and suggest some possible solutions.

In my opinion, high unemployment rate and the urge to make more money are the two reasons for this trend. Firstly, it is undeniable that the number of jobless people is on the increase. Therefore, it would be much easier for a company to hire someone else instead of one who cannot fulfill his tasks at work. This is why many employees have to stay at the office and work overtime so as to meet the targets and not be made redundant. Secondly, the prices of mostly every product and services are increasing day by day. Hence, in order to make ends meet for himself, or even support his family financially, one is under stress to work harder and perform better, which will possibly result in promotion or higher salaries and bonuses.

If companies want to reduce stress at work and shorten working day for their employees, some solutions need to be taken into consideration. Employers must be aware that longer hours of work does not mean efficiency can be improved; in contrast, it might lead to employees working less effectively owing to stress and fatigue. Also, it is necessary that companies provide a sense of job satisfaction to their workers, as only by being happy with what they do can employees fare to the best of their ability. Employers can achieve this by creating a friendly working environment or offering bonuses as well as medical and retirement benefits.

In conclusion, many employees are now having to face stressful jobs and long working hours due to a high level of unemployment and their financial needs. In spite of this, companies should take measures to lessen the pressure put on their employees and the hours of work for the sake of their profits.

I want to have some transitions between the second and the third paragraph but can't think of anything to write. Any suggestions?
Please give me some feedback. Any comments are appreciated.

Jul 1, 2012, 12:31pm   #
April April:
This essay will point out I wish to discuss two main causes for this issue and suggest some possible solutions to address them.
- ----- Say this differently :)


April April:
high unemployment rate and the urge to make more money are the two reasons for this trend.


April April:
Therefore, it would be much easier for a company to hire someone else instead in place of someone who cannot fulfill his tasks at work.


April April:
Secondly, the prices of mostly every product and services are increasing day by day.
----------- This is my suggestion;
Secondly, the inflation is catching up day by day and therefore the cost of living is ever increasing.

Good ideas again :)
Aprilapril,
I suppose your points for possible solution is not strong enough.
Think about some more solutions for stress at work besides the point you already stated.
I would like to suggest some ways to reduce stress at jobs;

# Providing fitness room / recreation room ( video games , yoga etc.) at break time. Or even working out
Whole department together once a week which not only brings interaction among coworkers but also keeps healthy and
relaxed

# providing individual cubicles for every employee which gives a sense of
Own place to the employees.

# providing longer contract 5 or 10 year etc.

And my suggestion for transition sentence;
# Companies should focus on overcoming such or any other kind of stresses in order
to achieve efficient and steady work performance. Increasing salary, reducing working shift
hours, providing recreation facilities or redesigning work space are some examples which contributes
to reduce stresses. ( now you can elaborate each points further...)

Or
# As stressed workers impede company's performance, it is essential to work towards abating it. Increase in salary,............, ...... , are helpful in providing some sort of job satisfaction and assurance among workers.
Thank you guys for such great ideas. They are all helpful to my essay.
I'll definitely rewrite it, add a few points, change some words and sentences, and then repost it.
Please comment on my rewritten version later.
Btw, if I replicated the original in my real test, could you tell me what bandscore would I be looking at? Thanks.
Well this is my rewritten version. Corrected parts are in Italic.
Please make some comments. I would really appreciate your help.

In this modern era, many jobs are becoming very stressful for workers. Along with that, their working hours also expands. In this essay, I am going to discuss two main causes of the issue and suggest possible solutions to it.

In my opinion, high unemployment rate and the urge to make more money are two reasons for this trend. Firstly, it is undeniable that the number of jobless people is on the rise. Therefore, it would be much easier for a company to hire someone else as a replacement for one (I think using someone here would be repetitive so I keep "one")who cannot fulfill his tasks at work. This is why many employees have to stay at the office and work overtime so as to meet the targets and not be made redundant. Secondly, the inflation rate is growing day by day leading the cost of living to a constant increase. Hence, in order to make ends meet for himself, or even support his family financially, one is under stress to work harder and perform better, which will possibly result in promotion or higher salaries and bonuses.

As stressed workers are to impede a company's performance, it is essential to consider some solutions that could tackle the problem. Employers must be aware that longer hours of work does not mean efficiency can be improved; in contrast, it might result in employees working less effectively owing to stress and fatigue. Also, companies should provide a sense of job satisfaction and assurance to their workers so that they can fare to the best of their ability. Employers can achieve this by creating a friendly working environment and supplying fitness and recreation rooms, which will generate an intimate interaction among coworkers and at the same time keep them healthy and relaxed; or offering their employees long-term contracts.

In conclusion, many employees are now having to face stressful jobs and long working hours due to a high level of unemployment and their financial needs. In spite of this, companies should take measures to lessen the pressure put on their employees and the hours of work for the sake of their profits.
Jul 2, 2012, 05:52am   #
The first paragraph can be phrased with more sophistication, with phrases more like "stress levels are high" and "long work hours adding pressure to the busy schedule of modern life" (Just a suggestion, whatever feels right to you.) Also, I think it would sound more professional if you directly say: ___ and ___ are two main causes of the issue, and a possible solution could be ___.

...it would be much easier easier in comparison to...? simply "it would be easy for" works for a company to hire someone else as a replacement for one who cannot fulfill his tasks at work.

This is why many employees have to stay at the office and work overtime so as to meet the targets and not be made redundant. this sentence structure is a little awkward

Secondly, the inflation rate grows daily, leading to a corresponding increase in the cost of living.

If possible, the last paragraph should include a suggestion on how to reduce the stress as well.

Best of luck!
Jul 2, 2012, 06:56am   #
Hi,

In this modern (I think the word "contemporary" is a better word) era, many jobs are becoming very stressful (use another word because it has been used in the topic) for workers. Along with that, their working hours also expands. In this essay, I am going to discuss two main causes of the issue and suggest possible solutions to it (I think the sentences of the introduction are not coherent enough. I think before the last sentence of this paragraph, you should write one sentence about the significance of "stress level" and "work load" in a work place. In this way, you can mention that the aim of the discussion in the essay is based on some important issues.) .

In my opinion, high unemployment rate and the urge to make more money are two main reasons for this trend. Firstly, it is undeniable that the number of jobless people is on the rise (why is this trend happening?). Therefore, it would be much easier for a company to hire someone else as a replacement for one an employee/worker (I think using someone here would be repetitive so I keep "one")who cannot fulfill his tasks at work. This is why many employees have to stay at the office and work overtime so as to meet the targets and not be made redundant. Secondly, the inflation rate is growing day by day leading the cost of living to a constant increase. Hence, in order to make ends meet for himself, or even support his family financially, one is under stress to work harder and perform better, which will possibly result in promotion or higher salaries and bonuses (add a summary at the end of each paragraph in the body. For example,"As a result, unemployment and financial issues are the crucial elements that may dramatically increase the level of stress and working time in a work place").

As stressed workers are to impede a company's performance (If I were you, I would write the sentence in this way:"As the stress in a work atmosphere can negatively impact the workers' productivity ..."), it is essential to consider some solutions that could with intent to tackle the problem. Employers must be aware that longer hours of work does not mean efficiency can be improved (Revise this sentence. It is confusing); in contrast, it might result in employees working less effectively owing to stress and fatigue. Also, companies should provide a sense of job satisfaction and assurance to their workers so that they can fare to the best of their ability. Employers can achieve this by creating a friendly working environment and supplying fitness and recreation rooms, which will generate an intimate interaction among coworkers and at the same time keep them healthy and relaxed; orMoreover, job security is another imperative factor which can decrease the stress level of workers and employees (I added this, because the following sentence has no support and u did not mention why it can be viewed as a solution for the problem). For this purpose, employers can offering their employees long-term contracts (As I told you above, you should write a conclusion at the end of a paragraph in the body.) .

In conclusion, many employees are now having to face stressful jobs and long working hours due to a high level of unemployment and their financial needs. In spite of this, companies should take measures to lessen the pressure put on their employees and the hours of work for the sake of their profits(Try to end the conclusion with a clincher, which can be a "question", "prediction", etc. For instance (merely a suggestion) :"If companies provide comfortable work places for their employees, not only working would not be a stressful activity for people anymore, but also it can positively affect their mental state") .

Regards
Ahmad
my suggestions are inside the (............)

In this modern era, many jobs are becoming very (increasingly) stressful for workers. Along with that, their working hours also expands(this sentence is better in the causes of work stress paragraph). In this essay, I am going to discuss two main causes of the issue and suggest possible solutions to it.

In my opinion, high unemployment rate and the urge to make more money are two reasons for this trend. Firstly, it is undeniable that the number of jobless people is on the rise. Therefore, it would be much easier for a company to hire someone else as a replacement for one (I think using someone here would be repetitive so I keep "one")who cannot fulfill his tasks at work. ( In contrary, if worker is released from work for forever, it would be very challenging to find new job).

This is why many employees have to stay at the office and work overtime so as to meet the targets and not be made redundant( so as to overperform and satisfy the employer.)Secondly, the inflation rate is growing day by day leading the cost of living to a constant increase. Hence, in order to make ends meet for himself, or even support his family financially, one is under stress to work harder and perform better which will possibly result in promotion or higher salaries and bonuses.
( which .......... Bonnuses- this is irrelevant part- better omit it)

As stressed workers (are to - erase it) impede a company's performance, it is essential to consider some solutions that could tackle the problem. Employers must be aware that longer hours of work does not (mean - replace it by "improve") efficiency can be improved( erase- can be improved).
in contrast, it might result (in employees working less effectively owing to - erase it!) stress and fatigue ( related accidents ) .
Also, ( replace also with "instead") companies should ( focus in )provide (providing) a (some) sense of job satisfaction (security - is better here) ( and assurance to their workers so that they can fare to the best of their ability.- no need this part).

Employers can achieve this by creating a friendly working environment and( providing creative means for stress releasing ). Supplying fitness and recreation rooms, which will generate an intimate interaction among coworkers and at the same time keep them healthy and relaxed; or offering their employees long-term contracts.

In conclusion, many employees are now( having to - no need)face ( ing) stressful ( stress at) jobs and long working hours due to a high level of unemployment and their financial needs. In spite of this, (companies should take- replace with " there are various ") measures to lessen the pressure (put on their employees and the hours of work - no need) for the sake( of their profits - replace with " of boosting workers passion and increasing the performance.

I edited in my iPhone . So might look "ugly."
In this modern ( Contemporary sounds better as suggested by Ahmad era, many jobs are becoming very (increasingly) stressful for workers. Along with that, their working hours also expands(this sentence is better in the causes of work stress paragraph). In this essay, I am going to discuss two main causes of the issue and suggest possible solutions to it.

In my opinion, high unemployment rate and the urge to make more money are two reasons for this trend. Firstly, it is undeniable that the number of jobless people is on the rise. Therefore, it would be much easier for a company to hire someone else as a replacement for one (I think using someone here would be repetitive so I keep "one")who cannot fulfill his tasks at work. ( In contrary, if worker is released from work for forever, it would be very challenging to find new job for them).

This is why many employees have to stay at the office and work overtime so as to meet the targets and not be made redundant( so as to overperform and satisfy the employer.)Secondly, the inflation rate is growing day by day leading the cost of living to a constant increase. Hence, in order to make ends meet for himself, or even support his family financially, one is under stress to work harder and perform better which will possibly result in promotion or higher salaries and bonuses.
( which .......... Bonuses- this is irrelevant part- better omit it)

As stressed workers (are to - impede a company's performance, it is essential to consider some solutions that could tackle the problem. Employers must be aware that longer hours of work does not (mean - replace it by "improve") efficiency can be improved
in contrast, it might result (in employees working less effectively owing to - ) stress and fatigue ( related accidents ) .
Also, "instead") companies should ( focus in )provide (providing) a (some) sense of job satisfaction (security - is better here) ( and assurance to their workers so that they can fare to the best of their ability.- no need this part).

Employers can achieve this by creating a friendly working environment and( providing creative means for stress releasing ). Supplying fitness and recreation rooms, which will generate an intimate interaction among coworkers and at the same time keep them healthy and relaxed; or offering their employees long-term contracts.

In conclusion, many employees are now( having to face ( ing) stressful ( stress at) jobs and long working hours due to a high level of unemployment and their financial needs. In spite of this, (companies should take- replace with " there are various ") measures to lessen the pressure (put on their employees and the hours of work - no need) for the sake of their profits - replace with " for the sake of boosting workers' passion and increasing the performance.


April, you are getting better. Keep it up!
Jul 2, 2012, 11:13am   #
April April:
Therefore, it would be much easier for a company to hire someone else as a replacement for one (I think using someone here would be repetitive so I keep "one")who cannot fulfill his tasks at work.
............. ok...... this is my suggestion;
Therefore it would not be a difficult task for a company to hire another person in replacement for an employee who does not perform up to their expectations.

April April:
This is why many employees have choose to stay at the office and work overtime so as to meet their targets that help them for and not being made redundant.


deepakbaniya:
Secondly, the inflation rate is growing day by day leading the cost of living to a constant increase in the cost of living.
----- leading to/ causing the cost of living to increase
1."Employers must be aware that longer hours of work does not mean efficiency can be improved".I think you can write this sentence like this."Employees should understand that longer hours of work does not results in higher productivity".

2.you can connect your 2nd para to the next one in a simple way. However,the stress and tension in the workplace can reduce to a great extent if employers take some necessary actions.
I've taken all your suggestions into account and will make the best out of them to improve this one and my next essays.
I really appreciate your time. Thank you so much for helping me!!



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