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Sports professionals are able to make more money than other occupations


answers: 2
Apr 11, 2011, 05:25am   #
Hi, all, nice to see you all, could you help to examin my essay?

Topic:
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My essay:
In modern society, sports have became a profession, and it is fairly easy for sports surper stars to earn huge amount money every year. Some people feel they are deserve for good payment while others consider it is an unfair distribution of human welfare. Let us examine these two points of view before give my option.

The people who think althletes get more beyond what they are sopposed to obtain come up with many examples, arranging from advertisement to attending champion. They believe it is too simple for sports man earn money, all they have to do are printing name or symbol of the company who paid them on their suit or recommeding goods in the screen of television, or just win chmpionship to get rewards. They are unable to improve technology like scientis, not able to produce goods like worker and construct buildings like engineer. Wealth of society would not increase because of their effort. Why they can get great deal more money than others.

However the althlete advocates would dispute that the good payment is the consequence of long term harsh training. As we known there are thousands and hundreds althletes all around world, in order to win championship to become super starts, many sports man have to accept professional training at early age far away from their home. When other children are playing games happily with their parents, these little sports men are doing rote excercises in the playground; while their conterparts are hanging out with their friends, they have to endure coach's criticism. Even though they dedicate their youth to sports, only small proportion of them will become success althletes, while others will be unknown and unsung. In addition, although be not able to add society wealth, they do make our life more colorful. Watching a close match makes us excited and refreshes our minds expecially after whole day's hard work.

In my conclusion, although sports professionals are able to make more money than other occupations, they also sacrifice a lot which others can not endure. They deserve what they have.

Apr 11, 2011, 06:23am   #
Baxil:
n modern society, sports have became a profession, and it is fairly easy for sports surper stars to earn a huge amount of (or huge amounts of) money every year. Some people feelthink that they(who deserves high payments? I think you mean sports professionals, then use the noun "sports professionals" instead of the pronoun - they, because by using "they" you are saying "some people" feel it is fair for "them - that some people, not sports professionals" to earn a lot of money.) are deserve for good payments while others consider it is(in this context, "it" refers to "they deserve good payments", but "they deserve good payments" is not an unfair distribution of human welfare.) an unfair distribution of human welfare. Let usme examine these(the) two points of view before givegiving my option(opinion).


OK, here I have a question -

If the sentence is said:

Some people think that sports professionals deserve high payments while others consider it is an unfair distribution of human welfare.

In this context, I think "it" refers to "sports professionals deserve good payments", then it can't be said that "it is an unfair distribution of human welfare", can it? Because "sports professionals deserve good payments" is not "an unfair distribution of human welfare", is only an opinion, am I right?

Perhaps say, "some people think that sports professionals deserve high payments while others consider paying a lot to sports professionals is an unfair distribution of human welfare", is better?

Need answers for this. Thanks!
Hello, Baxil! Nice to see you, too. :-)

.... it is an unfair distribution of human welfare wealth. Let us examine these two points of view before I give my opinion. ----I changed the grammar here, but I think it is better if you write: Let us examine these two points of view, and I will argue that _______________________ (Give your main idea of the essay, and then end the first paragraph.)


However the althlete advocates would dispute affirm that the good payment is the consequence of long-term, harsh training.---I added a hyphen, changed a word, and added a comma. If I dispute that the good payment is a consequence of harsh training, that means I dispute that idea and believe that it is NOT a consequence of harsh training. The word dispute is strange. It is better to use "affirm."


As we known know, there are thousands of and hundreds athletes all around world, and in order to win...

In my conclusion, although...

:-)



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