Essay Question:
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think is fully justified while others think it is unfair.
My Attempt:
In the past few decades of sports history, most athletes either won gold medal in Olympic or major championship have been treated by the public as stars and heroes of their nation, and compensated with huge salaries just as the artists of movie and music industry. This has raised controversial debate whether this amount of compensation is reasonable as some professions had contributed to the society and country but were not rewarded with large salaries. In my opinion, I believe that it is justifiable to offer sports professional with high salary as their career have shorter life-cycle and require huge commitments.
To begin with, sports athletes are exposed to the risk of shorten career. Most fields consist of body contact during the competition or practice session. Additionally, competitions are always intense; thus, the likelihood of players suffer injuries are feasible, and some may even end their professions. Being incapable participate in this industry, they may easily find themselves struggle with their livings as they do not have other income stream as a result of lack of education and job experience. This can be easily evident from renowned sports competition such as National Basketball Association (NBA) and Australia Football League (AFL) where several players' glittering career was cut short by injuries. As this show, remunerating sports athlete with high salaries will allow them to warrant against their short term career.
Secondly, the amount of commitment require for every player in sports industry is massive as it is not a normal 8 hours job that begins from 9:00 am and ends at 6:00 pm. To be successful and competitive, athletes have to attend each training session that run from early morning to night with the aim of preparing the best condition of themselves for upcoming matches. Moreover, most competitions run throughout the year and players have to travel interstate frequently. Considering the mass volume of time and efforts of the players have to put, it is acceptable to compensate them with greater pay.
As a conclusion, it is justified to reward sports athlete with higher salaries in consideration of their risky career and commitments required. However, the society should not underrate the contributions of other profession. Any profession that contributes to the society and the country should be valued and respected.
Please comment and correct my essay. I am trying to improve my writing skills.
Thank you!
colors: change , deleteadd
In the past few decades of sports history, most athletes that won gold medals in Olympics or major championships have been treated by the public as stars and heroes of their nation, and were compensated with huge salaries just as were the artists of movie and music industry. This has raised controversial(synonyms) debate whether this amount of compensation is reasonable as some professions had contributed to the society and country but had not been rewarded with large salaries. In my opinion, I believe that it is justifiable to offer sports professionalswith high salaries as their careers have shorter life-cycle and require huge commitments.
To begin with, sports athletes are exposed to the risk of shorten careers . Most fields consist of body contact during the competition or practice session. Additionally, competitions are always intense; thus, the likelihood of players to suffer injuries is feasible, and some may even end their professions (i would say career/professional career, since one can keep his profession even after injury but as an amateur or hobby) . Being incapable of participating in this industry, they may easily find themselves struggling with their livings as they do not have other income stream as a result of lack of education and job experience. This can be easily evident in renowned sports competitions such as National Basketball Association (NBA) and Australia Football League (AFL) where several players' glittering careerswere cut short by injuries. As this shows , remunerating sports athletes with high salaries will allow them to warrant against their short term careers .
Secondly, the amount of commitment requiredfrom every player in sports industry is massive as it ("it" refers to "the amount of commitment". I suppose by it you meant professional career or smth, which is not mentioned in the sentence, so I would change IT) is not a normal 8 hours job that begins at 9:00 am and ends at 6:00 pm. To be successful and competitive, athletes have to attend each training session that runs from early morning to night with the aim of preparing the best condition of themselves for upcoming matches. Moreover, most competitions are run throughout the year and players have to travel interstate frequently. Considering the mass volume of time and efforts of the players have to put, it is acceptable to compensate them with greater pay.
As a conclusion, it is justified to reward sports athletes with higher salaries in consideration of their risky careers and commitments required. However, the society should not underrate the contributions of other professions . Any profession that contributes to the society and the country should be valued and respected.
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Hi han4,
I am not good at judging context, so I just pointed out the grammar mistakes. Let's hope that other members of the forum will help you with them.
Let me know if I made mistakes)
You have a nice day)
Good jobs!!! But there're still some small mistakes.
+Beingincapable participate in this industry => incapable of. You should be careful with your phrases.
+they may easily find themselves struggle with their livings -> struggling for their livings. You should look up these words in a good dictionary before completing yours.
+the amount of commitmentrequire -> requires
You should also use more phrasal verbs in your writings, it will help increase your score. In addition, your writing will be more interesting, if you have more examples ( from news or your own experiences).
Keep trying your best. Love.
