Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


Sometimes you should disregard many important things like physical exercises to achieve career goals


savaskaptan 1 / -  
Aug 5, 2015   #1
TOEFL QUESTION: Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

ANSWER:
Needless to say, physical exercise is a more important activity to live a healthy life but, in some part of your life, you should disregard it in order to achieve your career goals. In my opinion, students should spend the whole school day on their studies.

Firstly, doing exercise is a huge waste of time for a student because you should go to a sport center in order to do right physical exercises without giving damage to your health thus you will spend time to go there and come back to home in addition to your exercise duration. Besides, you should do exercise regularly even each day in order to get a remarkable benefit from it. To give an example, while I was going to work out, I was spending almost three hours each day including preparing for it and coming back to dormitory. And, in the season of midterm or final exams, this is very much time in a day as you guess so I sometimes could not sleep to allocate enough time to study hence this affected me very negatively in the exams and I failed some of my courses. After that, I am forced to leave sporting activities and study more and more to compensate these failures. Consequently, this physical activity has given damage to my grades at school and made me stressful for a long time.

Secondly, physical activities lead people to be tired or injured during exercises. Even though some people say that physical exercises make people more healthy and energetic, this is valid in the long run when you are accustomed to do exercise each day. In the first months, you will be very tired when you started to do exercise. Especially, for students, doing exercise is a very risky activity because if you are hurt while doing it, you cannot go to school for months even years. For instance, my friend, from the university, has gone to work out and been injured because of wrong move while working. And, he was forced to undergo a surgery because of it, he could not go to school 4 months so he missed out many courses at school and failed many of them. What's more, after that, he could not completely adapt to other courses once he came back to school. As a result, this exercises made him and his academic career very bad.

As mentioned above, though many benefits of doing exercise, it gives some damages to people and affects their academic career. Particularly, students should pay attention on being injured or wasting of time while doing exercises in their life and carefully decide when and how to make exercise.
Ron Weasley 5 / 15 4  
Aug 5, 2015   #2
- ....giving damage to your health. ( You should put a stop here, and then begin a result question). Thus you will spend time to go there....

- To give an example , while I was going to work out.. => Why don't you use " For example" or "For instance". It would be better, I think.

- very much time in a day as you guess, so I sometimes could not sleep.. (You need to put a comma here).
- allocate enough time to study. Hence this affected me very negatively... ( You need to put a stop or semi-colon after word "study"
- As mentioned above , though many benefits of doing exercise... Better use "In conclusion", "To sum up" or "To conclude"

Hope it help. ^.^

Ron Weasley


Home / Writing Feedback / Sometimes you should disregard many important things like physical exercises to achieve career goals
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳