I have to write a response essay and I did not complete my essay yet. I am stuck on the third body paragraph and conclusion. If you read my essay, feel free to jot down your ideal and recommendation for the third body paragraph and conclusion. Here is the topic:
I believe social networking technology has changed our lives for the better, but at a cost. Social networking tools have made it nearly effortless for me to keep in touch with friends, family and colleagues. I can know what's on their minds (MySpace), who else they know (Facebook/LinkedIn), and even what they are doing at this very moment (Twitter). On the other hand, I'm not sure I need to know any of that.
Below is my essay:
In the article " Is Social Networking Good for Society?", Steve Chazin states that social networking technology has affected our own life negatively. Nowadays, people can easily keep in touch with each other by MySpace, Twitter, and Facebook. Furthermore, we rarely disconnect the internet, and talk to each other in person. The author concludes that we are living dependently on "the power of the web." I agree with the author that social networking technology has tremendously affected our self esteem and academic performance negatively, and increased the number case of cyber bullying.
First of all, social networking technology has changed our self esteem negatively. Since most of the conversation are took place on Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace, the users of social networking technology are really concerned about public evaluations, such as physical appearance, romantic attraction, and friendliness. According to the article "How Facebook Affects Your Self-Esteem," Molly Clayton states that social media is "a hall of mirror for women who base their self worth on their looks." For instance, my friend Maria spend two hours making up, taking pictures, and uploading her pictures on Facebook pages every day. In school, she keeps checking her Facebook pages to read some comments about her beauty and suggestion for find dating mate. Moreover, the users of social networking technology tend to polish their profiles which make them look talented, unique, and attractive. Because they are afraid of losing face in front of their online friends and want to maintain a closed friendships, they are likely to exaggerate beyond the truth and invent some interesting details. For example, when my friend James was seven grade in the middle school Brooklyn Bridge, he usually lied about his grades on Facebook to attract other girls. Two months after the day he lied about his grade on Facebook, people tend to isolate him from others because of his lying.
People may argue that social networking technology helps college and high school students to finish some research projects, writing assignments, and presentations. However, social networking technology has many adverse effects on academic performance of students. Nowadays, social networking has become an addiction and decreased the concentration of adolescents. Many researchers believe that social networking technology such as Facebook can distract the learning concentration. According to a study by Rosen, 50 percent of middle school, high school and college students check Facebook at least once during 15 minutes of study. Since they keep checking Facebook, students usually ignore and easily lose the concentration on the lesson plan. If students keep the habit of checking Facebook during study, it will eventually become addiction. For instance, my friends Ben spent hours checking comments on Facebook pages during school since he was a high school student of Andrew P. Hill. Now, he still keeps that habit and finds it impossible to quit that habit. Furthermore, most of the users of social networking technology usually have low performance on school works. According to Aryn Karpinski's study of about 219 students, 148 students who have Facebook accounts studied about 1 to 5 hours and people who do not have Facebook accounts spend about 11 to 15 hours of study. In school, if students spend a great deal of time studying their materials, they will definitely get a better grade than those who do not spend time studying at all. From the study of Aryn Karpinski, we can conclude that students who have Facebook accounts have grade point average lower than those students who do not have Facebook accounts.
Finally and most important, social networking technology has increased the number case of cyber bullying. In the era of developing technology, teenagers are easily vulnerable to many cyber bullying. Most of the cyber bullying usually occur on social networking such as Tweeter and Facebook. Studies have shown that the number of cyber bullying has quadrupled on social networking in the past five years and is likely to increase in the next few years. According to the article "Cyber Bullying" from statisticbrain 52 percent of students in high school and middle school are the victims of cyber bullying.
Look for the negative effects of social sites as you analyze their impact in the society. For example you can write that social networking sites have adverse effects on the social welfare of the society. Nowadays, people do not concentrate on the positive necessities of the sites of enhancing socialization. Instead, many people prefer flirting and encouraging prostitution on the internet. Therefore, the sites derail the moral values of the society.
Also, ensure that you summarize all the points that you have in your first, second, and third paragraphs as part of your conclusion. This will make the whole conclusion look perfect.
Do not forget to proofread your work so that you can change the grammatical errors. Such as in the second paragraph, change the word "Since most of the conversation are took place on Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace, the users of social networking technology are really concerned about public evaluations" to since most of the conversation that take place on Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace are about evaluations.
Hello bansmart06,
The reason why you are stuck at your third paragraph is because the scope of your thesis is too narrow. Unless you are a social worker/psychologist, you won't have much experiences to elaborate on.
I recommend that you change your thesis. Take one step back and look at the broader picture.
Check out an article on WSJ, "Why We Are So Rude on Online" (just search it online I can't post links here)
Perhaps it will give you some inspiration for your writing.
If I were you, I would say that social networking technology has altered our behaviours for worse.
It encourages rude behaviour and you can cite cyber bulling as a case in your point.
Another effect on behaviour is perhaps the reduced ability to communicate face-to-face.
Check out another article on NYT, "The Flight From Conversation" (search it online too)
For the conclusion, a simple way is to summarise your three points.
To improve it, you could perhaps give a call to action or a projection into the future, given the current trends of the effects of social networking as you have noted.
Hope this feedback helps!
