Unanswered [12] / Featured [5] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Writing Feedback /     

TOEFL: small town has some advantages such as healthy life and better facilities


answers: 6
Jan 4, 2011, 02:26am   #
Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big
city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and
details to support your answer.
Dear this is my essay please correct it:

Place for living has the most affect in our life and we have to choose it according to some factors, Some people prefer to live in tall building and crowded areas and some people prefer to live in a small and calm town.I would prefer to live in a small town and I think small town has some advantages such as good weather, healthy life and better facilities.
Firstly, the first advantage of living in a small town is healthy life that we can obtain because of many items. One of the conditions that help us to having health is good weather and less population that exists in small town. Also in small town there are less crowded and less....
SEE BELOW
Jan 4, 2011, 07:39am   #
Place of living has the most significant affect on our lives and we have to choose it according to several factors. Some people prefer to live in tall buildings and crowded areas, whereas others prefer to live in a small and calm town. I would prefer to live in a small town and I think a small town has some advantages, such as good weather, a healthy life and better facilities.
Firstly, the first advantage of living in a small town is a healthy life that we can obtain due to many items. One of the conditions that helps us to be healthy is good weather and less population that exist in a small town. Also, in a small town there are less crowded and less traffic. Living in a place with less pollution such as air pollution or sound pollution helps us to have a healthier life and one of the main consequences is less stress and more happiness. Moreover, in a small town foods and materials we need are healthier than in big cities and there are fresh foods and fruits. Regardless of some exceptions, it is obvious that living in small towns is healthier than in big cities.
Secondly, another advantage of small towns is living costs. Living cost is one of the important concerns in every society and then, in a small town living cost is fewer than in big cities. Therefore, in a small town we can live in big houses with good landscapes, also because of less crowded spaces we have more facilities and more services. Transportation cost is less than in big cities and we have less traffic so that we can save time and money.
In conclusion, I prefer to live in a small town and I think it has some advantages such as less stress, because of better weather conditions and also, better relationship within a town. In small town people know each other and have better deal together than big cities therefore on big cities people feel alone and depress more than small cities. However it is an obvious fact that people in small town have more happiness and friendship and less illness and stress.
I think your writing is sufficient enough. However, you shouldn't have put so many ideas into the introductory paragraph in order not to overlap with the following paragraphs.
Secondly, the first sentence of the second para, I think you shouldn't use the phrase "because of" because it usually carries negative meanings.
Thirdly, the central idea of the third para is "low living costs", not just living cost.

Hope this will help :D When will you sit TOEFL test? Mine is Jan 30th =.=
Jan 14, 2011, 10:33am   #
Place for living has the most affect in our life and we have to choose it according to some factors, Some people prefer to live in tall building and crowded areas and some people prefer to live in a small and calm town.I would prefer to live in a small town and I think small town has some advantages such as good weather, healthy life and better facilities.

Firstly, the first advantage of living in a small town is healthy life that we can obtain because of many items. One of the conditions that help us to having healthkeep healthy is good weather and less population that exists in small town. Also in small town there are less crowded and less traffic. Living in a place with less pollution such as air pollution or sound pollution helps us to havinghave a healthier life and one of the main consequences is less stress and more happiness. Moreover in small town foods and material we need is healthier than big cities(why healthier?maybe some examples?) and there are fresh foods and fruits. Regardless of some exceptions it is obvious that living in small towns is healthier than big cities.
(In this paragragh, your words like healthy repeat a lot. If I were you, I would change those words to other forms, such as health, fitness...or you can use relaxed to describe the mental state.)
Secondly, another advantage of small towns is living costs. Living costs is one of the important concerns in each society and then in small town living cost is less than big cities. Therefore in small town we can live in big houses with good landscapes also because of less crowded we have more facilities and more services. Transportation cost is less than big cities and we have less traffic then we can save much time and money.
In conclusion, I prefer to live in small town and I think it has some advantages such as less stress because of better weather conditions and also better relationship in small town. In small town people know each other and have better deal together than big cities therefore on big cities people feel alone and depress more than small cities. However it is an obvious fact that people in small town have more happiness and friendship and less illness and stress.

Well, my suggestion is that you should focus on your vocabulary varificaiton and keep practicing.
Firstly, the first advantage of living in a small town is healthy life that we can obtain because of many items. 1) One of the conditions that help us to having health is good weather and less population that exists in small town. 2) Also in small town there are less crowded and less traffic. Living in a place with less pollution such as air pollution or sound pollution helps us to having a healthier life and one of the main consequences is less stress and more happiness. 3) Furthermore, in small town people know each other and have better deal together than big cities therefore on big cities people feel alone and depress more than small cities.//Moreover in small town foods and material we need is healthier than big cities and there are fresh foods and fruits. Regardless of some exceptions it is obvious that living in small towns is healthier than big cities.

Secondly, another advantage of small towns is low living costs. Living costs is one of the essentially important concerns [put an adverb to describe what kind of importance it belongs] in each society and then in small town living cost is less than big cities. Therefore in small town we can live in big houses with good landscapes also because of less crowded we have more facilities and more services. Transportation cost is less than big cities BECAUSE and we have less traffic which not only prevents us from being stuck in jams, but benefits us to save time and money. then we can save much time and money.

In conclusion, I prefer to live in small town FOR its (and I think it has some) advantages such as better mental and physical health (less stress) because of better weather conditions and also better relationship in small town. In small town people know each other and have better deal together than big cities therefore on big cities people feel alone and depress more than small cities [This new viewpoints should not be added in the conclusion, I think it's better put in the second paragraph.]. However It is an obvious fact that people in small town have more happiness and friendship and less illness and stress.

The above modification is just my personal suggestions
Feb 15, 2011, 06:41pm   #
Place for living has the most affect an important impact in on our life and we have to choose it according to some factors, Some people prefer to live in tall buildings and crowded areas and while some people others prefer to live in a small and calmquiet/[font#FF0000] tranquil [/font]town.I would prefer to live in a small town and because I think small town has some many advantages such as good weather, healthy life and better facilities.


Above is just my suggestions!



Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓